Billy Bragg: Walk Away Renee
He has written several contenders but none as laugh out loud funny, nor yet as sharply observed about teenage love. The last two lines are just a killer if you cannot be bothered to read the lot!
She said it was just a figment of speech
And I said, "You mean figure?"
And she said, "No, figment"
Because she could never imagine it happening
But it did.
When we first met I played the shy boy
And when she spoke to me for the first time
My nose began to bleed
She guessed the rest
The next day we went on a bus ride to the ferry
And when nobody came to collect our fares
Well, I knew then this was something special
I couldnâ??t stop thinking about her
And every time I switched on the radio
There was somebody else singing a song about the two of us
It was just like being on a fast ride at the funfair
The sort you wanna get off because it??s scary
And then as soon as you're off
You wanna get straight back on again
But our love is strange
And you have to take the crunchy with the smooth I s'pose
She began going out with Mr Potato Head
It was when I saw her in the car park
With his coat around her shoulders that I realized
I went home and thought about the two of them together
Until the bath water went cold around me
I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts
And about the point where their bodies met
I confronted her about it.
I said, "I'm the most illegible bachelor in town."
And she said, "Yea, that's why I can never understand
Any of those silly letters you send me."
And then one day it happened
She cut 'er hair and I stopped lovin' 'er