Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 27 November 2012 by Fred Mulder
Haha! LOL, tears running Thanks! Still smiling, Fred
Posted on: 27 November 2012 by Paper Plane

This one's for Tony:

 

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

 

steve

Posted on: 27 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
Posted on: 27 November 2012 by BigH47

Just having a vote on whether Picasso was the best portrait painter of all time.


So, eyes to the right and nose to the left .

Posted on: 27 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I start work with my brother at the steel mill tomorrow. Can't wait to see that smoking hot slag he keeps talking about.
Posted on: 28 November 2012 by tonym

Posted on: 28 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Paper Plane:

This one's for Tony:

 

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

 

steve

LOL

Posted on: 28 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.

so very true, no joke !!

Posted on: 28 November 2012 by tonym

It is estimated that by the year 2015, 98% of the population will live within 200m of a former Chelsea FC manager.

Posted on: 28 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by tonym:

It is estimated that by the year 2015, 98% of the population will live within 200m of a former Chelsea FC manager.

And the other 2 % will have been actual Chelsea managers

Posted on: 28 November 2012 by Happy Listener
 
Originally Posted by Steve J:

Great news!

 

The book "Understanding Women" is now out in paperback.

 

 

 

Obviously this is only Volume 1 of 10.

 

This reminds me of an advert in the local paper:

For sale -

 

Encylopedia Britannica (all volumes).

 

Reason for sale - just married, no longer required, wife knows it all.

 

Old ones are the best!

Posted on: 29 November 2012 by Kevin-W
Have you heard about George Clooney's new movie? It's a Jimmy Savile biopic entitled "Oh She's Eleven".
Posted on: 29 November 2012 by tonym
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Originally Posted by tonym:

It is estimated that by the year 2015, 98% of the population will live within 200m of a former Chelsea FC manager.

And the other 2 % will have been actual Chelsea managers

Torres is currently averaging 2.75 goals per manager at Chelsea.

Posted on: 29 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by tonym:
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Originally Posted by tonym:

It is estimated that by the year 2015, 98% of the population will live within 200m of a former Chelsea FC manager.

And the other 2 % will have been actual Chelsea managers

Torres is currently averaging 2.75 goals per manager at Chelsea.

that guys is such good value

Posted on: 29 November 2012 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I start work with my brother at the steel mill tomorrow. Can't wait to see that smoking hot slag he keeps talking about.

Tony, that is the funniest joke I've heard in a long time.

Posted on: 29 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart

I'm still chuckling after two days!

Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
"I'm going out to scrape the car," said my wife this morning. "Against what?"
Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
"I'm going out to scrape the car," said my wife this morning. "Against what?"

very topical and as always, very true

Posted on: 30 November 2012 by JRHardee

This is worth pondering:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Be8LnuG3U

Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Bananahead
Originally Posted by JRHardee:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...video_n_2117777.html

Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Bananahead

And while we're going there

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ysyZF-DZFY

Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mother's bedroom. I can't believe it. She's a superhero!
Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
It looks like the music industry is winning the war against piracy. By putting out music so bad, no one wants it. Not even for free.
Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
My wife said she was fed up with my 80's hairstyle, and I should seriously consider having it cut. I said I'd mullet over.
Posted on: 30 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I've just picked up my copy of the 'Chelsea FC Official Calendar 2013'. It has a different manager for every month.