Best Jokes (continues)

Here are the names of some children`s books that didn`t quite make it..

1, You are Different & That's Bad.
2, The Boy Who Died from Eating his Vegetables.
3, Dad's New Wife Robert.
4, Fun 4-letter Words to Know & Share.
5, Grandpa Gets a Casket.
6, That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption.
7, The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy.
8, You Were an Accident.
9, Pop! Goes the Guinea Pig & Other Microwave Games.
10, Your Nightmares Are Real.

Nice one Tony, brilliant.

Ken

People: "Darth, how are you?" Me: "Same Sith, different day."

I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank quite a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" 

One of them snapped back saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!" 

So I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?" 

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...

Every year there seem to be more and more choices of advent calendars - and I thought their days were numbered.

Booooooo

Not a joke per se, but funny IMO, maybe not so much if you are a veggie:-

http://rightlinksblog.com/2012/08/29/peta-crashes-biker-gathering-not-to-be-missed/ …

Wise up to the Internet.

Always worth a quick search with the word "fake" added.

"Update: Well, as it turns out, this is actually an urban legend. While this type of protest is something that is not outside of PETA’s normal operating procedures, this particular event didn’t happen and I’m bummed and just a little bit embarrassed that I fell for it. But it’s still a fun read…"

Or - a confirmation of prejudices.

Wish you were still a moderator Adam

Happy Christmas

Don  damp downtown York

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."   And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."   And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?   Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t inside"

Tony that joke reminds me of the father bull and his son on a hill observing a herd of cows in a meadow below. Son says "Come on Dad let's run down and fcuk one of them". "No" says father bull, "Let's amble down and "fcuk" them all!"

Steve

WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food

shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant

2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant..

4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant

5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent

Ha! Brilliant!

To continue the theme above,

A blonde walks into the local computer shop,,

Assistant , Hello can i help you ,?

Blonde , yes i need some curtains ,

Assistant , sorry this is a computer shop we dont sell curtains,!,

Blonde , you must do i need curtains for my computer,,,

Assistant ,,, why would do you need curtains for your computer,?

Blonde ,,,, derrrrrrr its got windows.

ill get my coat...............................

I've got an aviary at home but one of the Birds of Prey will only exercise at night to '80's synth Pop

Our Kestral manouvers in the Dark

Awesome

The Past, the Present and the Future walked into a bar.

It was TENSE.

+1

steve

To be fair Tony I probably stole it from FB.