Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 08 December 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I love my new phone. I can now see my bank balance at the touch of a button: "0"
Posted on: 09 December 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I said to my wife "If you won the lottery, would you leave me?" She said "Probably. Why?" "No reason." I replied. "Here's a quid, go and get yourself a Lucky Dip."
Posted on: 09 December 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I came second in a Patrick Moore impression contest a few years ago. I won the constellation prize.
Posted on: 09 December 2012 by Cbr600
First out of the blocks with the topical jokes (again) Nice one
Posted on: 09 December 2012 by Donuk

Yes well done Tony.  You are a star..........

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Richard S

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Richard S:

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

previously posted -- old hat

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Mike-B

Christmas is on Friday in 2015

Let's hope it's not the 13th

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Richard S
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Originally Posted by Richard S:

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

previously posted -- old hat

Oh dear; still it was new to me.

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by GML
Originally Posted by Richard S:
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Originally Posted by Richard S:

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

previously posted -- old hat

Oh dear; still it was new to me.

I wouldn't worry, this place is full of previously posted -- old hat. Here's one from just a few hours ago,

 

"as you have the napsc, make sure it is well away from the rest of the boxes, as this will cause you noise issues"

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Tony Lockhart
The couple next door can't read or write but they seem to be happy enough.... 15 years married and never a crossword.
Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by GML:
Originally Posted by Richard S:
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Originally Posted by Richard S:

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

previously posted -- old hat

Oh dear; still it was new to me.

I wouldn't worry, this place is full of previously posted -- old hat. Here's one from just a few hours ago,

 

"as you have the napsc, make sure it is well away from the rest of the boxes, as this will cause you noise issues"

Touché 

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by count.d

Is there any way we can have the jokes without the useless comments afterwards? Bored with having to sift through the irrelevant junk.

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Phil Cork

Count, that IS a joke right? Or is it yet another example of a 'useless comment' or 'irrelevant junk' that we're all having to sift through...

 

Perhaps that is the joke?! An elegant twist...

 

Haha.

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by count.d

You're right Phil, it's another example of junk, but I couldn't think of funny way of putting it, to keep to the thread.

 

Damn, I've just done it again!

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Jan-Erik Nordoen

Norwegian computer terms:

 

Log on : making da vood stove hotter

 

Byte : vat dem dang blackflies do

 

Chip : munchies fer da TV

 

Microchip : vats in da bottom of da munchies bag

Posted on: 10 December 2012 by Jan-Erik Nordoen



LITTLE OLE was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He was writing an essay about his origin when he suddenly turned to question his mother.

"Mama, where did Grandma come from?" he asked.

"The stork brought her," answered Lena.

"And where did you come from?" asked Little Ole.

"The stork brought me," answered Lena.

"And where did I come from?" Little Ole asked.

"Well, son, the stork brought you, too," Lena answered.

Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and started to write his essay:

"There hasn't been any natural births in our family for three generations!" 

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by tonym
If Patrick Moore ever interfered with Uranus now's the time to mention it!
 
Posted on: 11 December 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Jan-Erik Nordoen:

Norwegian computer terms:

 

Log on : making da vood stove hotter

 

Byte : vat dem dang blackflies do

 

Chip : munchies fer da TV

 

Microchip : vats in da bottom of da munchies bag

Nice one Jan

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by tonym

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by Jan-Erik Nordoen

Norwegian computer audiophile terms.

 

 

Wireless: vat dem dam copper thieves leave me

 

Wireless access point: vere dey break into my house

 

Networking: good, now ve go fishing

 

Bitperfect: vere are dem false teeth?

 

Server: vat I do since ve vere married

 

Squeezebox: ven Sigrid's feeling frisky

 

Pocket server: ven she's not

 

Streaming: ven I vos young, now I dribble

 

TCP/IP: see streaming

 

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by BigH47

Tomorrow is the date that sound engineers have been waiting for all century .

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by BigH47

News just in: Nudist beaches are to be clothed for winter .

Posted on: 11 December 2012 by winkyincanada
Originally Posted by BigH47:

Tomorrow is the date that sound engineers have been waiting for all century .

 (Took me a few seconds)