Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 06 January 2013 by tonym
A Penguin walks into a bar & says to the barman, "s'cuse me mate, have you seen my brother?"
The barman replies "Don't think I have, what does he look like?"
Posted on: 06 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
That wouldn't work in Port Stanley.
Posted on: 06 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I overheard John McEnroe saying he'd quite like to be the President of a Middle-Eastern country.
I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "You can't be Syria's."
Posted on: 06 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I was on a website today which asked me to disable cookies.
So I bit the legs off a gingerbread man.
Posted on: 06 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
"That's the spirit!" I shouted as I pointed out Casper the friendly ghost in a police line up.
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Accountancy - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by Bertie Norman
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Accountancy - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Audit - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an accountant.
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by tonym
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I left my shopping til the last minute this year, and got all my gifts from Argos on Christmas Eve.
It was okay though, everyone loved their pens.
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
"Are you asleep yet love?" I asked my wife. "I'm feeling horny."
"No. I'm still awake." she whispered.
"OK." I said, " I'll give it another half hour."
Posted on: 07 January 2013 by MDS
Originally Posted by Bertie Norman:
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Accountancy - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Audit - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an accountant.
What do accountants use for contraception?
Their personality!
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by Bertie Norman
Originally Posted by MDS:
Originally Posted by Bertie Norman:
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Accountancy - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Audit - the best career for those who don't have the charisma to be an accountant.
What do accountants use for contraception?
Their personality!
What is the collective noun for a group of accountants?
A Bidet.
Everyone knows what one was is but not what they are for.
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by Derek Wright
Actuaries are people who found accountancy to be too exciting
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by MDS
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by MDS
Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by MDS
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Posted on: 08 January 2013 by MDS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Posted on: 09 January 2013 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I overheard John McEnroe saying he'd quite like to be the President of a Middle-Eastern country. I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "You can't be Syria's."
That's just brilliant.
Posted on: 09 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
To the **** that Stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I'm going to find you.
You have my Word.
Posted on: 09 January 2013 by mharttpalmer
Apple does it again
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their tits and not listening to them.
Posted on: 09 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My wife was dressing for work and said
"How come your cock doesn't get as hard as it used to?"
as she tucked her tits into her knickers!
Posted on: 09 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Just saw a kangaroo collapse in the rough on the golf course..
I think he's out of bounds.
Posted on: 10 January 2013 by Jan-Erik Nordoen
Do you remember when you first copped a feel? For me it's just a distant mammary.
Posted on: 10 January 2013 by mharttpalmer
An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any
experience shoeing horses.
He said no, but he had once told a donkey to f**k off.
Posted on: 10 January 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Following Andrew Marr's stroke, he has vowed to continue his in depth, hard hitting interviews...........
If only now a little one sided.
