Best Jokes (continues)

Just seen a  "Hand Blender with Jugs" for sale. Need to get out more...

Understood, Tom, and agree.  I had surmised it was a joke given the fact that he posted it on the "Best Jokes" thread.  You are absolutely correct in saying that we are indeed all different sorts.  You are, no doubt quite sensitive to the plight of the workers in question.  I am more than a little sensitive to folks (not saying you, now) who tell me what I must be sensitive to.  So understood--and onward.

Best regards,

Russ

Tescos have stopped selling horse burgers - they are now promoting a new range of quarter pandas

In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said,
"Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over,
please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn,
the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to
pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help
with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear,
placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then
prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak"
for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great
enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood
back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday.

Blueknowz:  Good god, man, don't you know you are picking on (by implication, if not specifically stated) the one ethnic group on the planet Earth which it is completely unacceptable to apply humor to--no matter how well intentioned?????  There is a continuum that you need to memorize:

1. It is nowadays completely acceptable to engage in humor about anyone of Northern European extraction--Scandinavians, all manner of Brits, (as we well know), and Germans are fair game for anything! 

2.  Eastern and Southern Europeans--OK, but not so much and you need to be careful what you say.  Whereas "Nazi", "Kraut", and "Ole" jokes are perfectly acceptable, one should be careful with any references to "Polacks" or "Pepperguts".

3.  You can pretty much say whatever you want to about Asians, but if they get pissed off, they may stop lending the rest of us money so we can pursue the much-desired Greek economy, or selling us cars that actually run.

4.  In the United States, the re-election of President Obama makes it perfectly acceptable to transpose his treatment of Israel into anti-Semetic humor rivaled only by that which one used to find rampant in the Third Reich.  Muslims, however, are to be protected from anything whatsoever which might "offend" them.

5.  You can make fun of the French all you want to--so long as you leave Charles DeGaulle out of it. 

6.  But at the absolute top of the scale of political correctness are those who are to any degree of African heritage.  While it is perfectly acceptable for the Most Reverend Jessie Jackson to talk of New York as "Hymietown" due to the large number of Jews, it is completely unacceptable for you, Blueknowz, my friend, to speak of Detroit and Leroy in any negative way.  If the avoidance of Constitutional Law by our current administration continues apace, you may become the next victim of the implementation by fiat via the tool of let us just say for example:

"An Executive Order Outlawing Freedom of Speech by Means of Making Humorous Comments About Persons of African Descent."

I personally am very careful to direct my racist comments only against white persons of Northern European descent--adding in just a little bit from the South from time to time.

Have you heard that scientists have been successful in crossing a German with an Italian?  The result was a tall, suave, good looking machine gunner.

So please, get with the program. 

Best regards,

Russ

ITV are cancelling this weekends episode of hit show SPLASH

Apparently they won't be able to compete with MOTD coverage of MUFC V SPURS

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Aamer started his own business in Kabul making land mines that look like prayer mats.

He's doing really well, prophets are going through the roof.

South Africa pancakes taste like crepe

What swims on water & goes quick ???

A South African duck

Mike,

   Really funny, split my sides at this one

The term 'snowman' is considered quite offensive.

They now prefer the term 'people of frozen precipitation'

Can you believe it ? Monica Lewinsky is over 50 !!!

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around on her hands & knees putting everything in her mouth...  They grow up so fast, don't they?

I tried scraping the ice off my windscreen this morning using my B&Q discount card.
Didn't really work though, it only got 10% off.

My wife's cold and heartless...

Since I killed her and sold her organs on the black market.