Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 09 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Dr Mark, you'll have to accept my theft of that pic
Posted on: 09 February 2013 by GraemeH
My wife insisted on lasagne for tonight's dinner and I initially refused, but you know what it's like - nag, nag, nag.
Posted on: 09 February 2013 by DrMark
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Dr Mark, you'll have to accept my theft of that pic
By all means Tony. Enjoy.
Posted on: 10 February 2013 by BigH47
Woke up with a Findus lasagne in my bed.
Mafia are getting lazy.
Posted on: 10 February 2013 by Stephen Tate
I saw my mate coming back from the shops pushing a huge trolley full of frozen Lasagne.
"What are you doing with all that?" I asked him.
"My six year old daughter wants a horse for her birthday," he replied, "so I'm telling her I've bought one in kit form and she just has to put it together."
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by roger poll
Horsemeat in burgers gives a new meaning to fast food.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Richard S
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by BigH47
Warning: French 100% horse meat burgers contain 60% beef!!
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by ken c
i am so hungry i can eat a horse...
enjoy
ken
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Jan-Erik Nordoen
Eat a horse, save a zebra.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I have a condition that makes me eat when I can't sleep.
It's called insom-nom-nom-nia.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Wanted. Sexist homophobe to keep Christians following blindly without question. Must be good with kids.
Apply
The Vatican
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
"I can do all things through He who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Pope retires due to lack of strength.
Someone's lying.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
The recession has got so bad that even God is laying people off.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
A horse walks into a bar.
"Too late." says the bartender. "We're joking about the pope now". "He's right!" sighs Richard III.
Posted on: 11 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
There are some horrible bastards about.
I heard a cat crying outside so i opened the door and four Liverpool fans were playing football with it.
I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up.
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by tonym
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Blueknowz
Comedy Gold from John Bishop & his Hero Robbie Fowler
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Reginald Halliday
A red indian decides he needs an heir to take over his tribe when he's older.
So he makes love to his wife on a buffalo skin rug and 9 months later she has a baby boy.
However, just to make sure he decides a second son would be good. So he makes love to another wife, this time on a bearskin rug.
Again, 9 months later she has a baby boy.
Just to make doubly certain there's someone to lead the tribe when he's old, he decides he should have third son.
So he makes love to another of his wives, this time on a hippopotamus skin rug, and this wife has twins.
So, it just goes to show that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
The Vatican are organising a leaving collection for the outgoing Pontiff.
Donations can be made via Papal.
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Russ
Uh, Reginald--that would be "...the sons of the sqwaws of the other two hides." 
You most likely are aware of the scientist who discovered some extremely long-lived porpoises in Florida, some of which cellular analysis showed to be over four hundred years old. He conducted extensive experiments to determine the source of their apparent immortality, and narrowed it down to their diet, which consisted of baby seagulls from birds which nested on the estate of an extremely wealthy man just outside of Miami. In order to obtain specimens to feed his captive porpoises, he would sneak across the fence into the estate and steal baby seagulls from their nest. This went fine until one night, he was apprehended by the police and charged with transporting young gulls across estate lines for immortal porpoises.
Cheers,
Russ
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Richard S
There seems to be a run of maths gags at present. So here is another one for you;
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Mike-B
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but has to much personality to be an accountant.
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Mike-B
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
Posted on: 12 February 2013 by Mike-B
Did you know that 5 out of every 4 people have a problem with fractions
