Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said “I've not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your will power.”
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him, “What's wrong?” The boy says, “Me ma is dead”. “Oh bejaysus,” the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ?” The boy replies, “No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself.... I'm going to have that.
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I ?” The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You can't fool me, you're in that basket up there."
I had a Trivia competition in the bag until the very last question ...which I got wrong. The question was, ‘Where do women have the curliest hair?’ Apparently the correct answer was Fiji .
Looks like Tony has competition. Or, does he?
Eight jokes in the space of 5 minutes. That must be a record.
sorry guys, no competition here, just re posting stuff that Mista H has forwarded to me
hes the culprit, i'm just the messenger (don't shoot)
should also add that there were several other jokes, but i think they would have offended people and probably been moderated out
Interesting to learn that you don't post absolutely everything you see.
Hint - you are NOT the elected messenger for the entire World of Trivia.
You could be a filter.
at this point in time mista H is having trouble posting stuff and asked for help. me being the obliging sort was only too happy to assist.
Am sure it wont be for long
like the avatar by the way, maybe you are wearing the wrong trousers !
Half of these 'jokes' have already been posted. You can have too much of a good thing you know.
I refer the honourable gentleman to my previous reply
Apart from the dodgy font size, none of them are anything but old tired knackered nags (nags ?? get it ??)
Most all have been around since day one of the horse burger fiasco, the internet is full of them & are, like the burgers, well past their sell by date.
My guess is the bright young witty ones are at work on new stuff & will avoid the horsey quips simply because they are so-o last week
A rather scruffy-looking man goes into a bank. Reaching the head of the line, he says to the teller, "I wanna open a f***ing cheque account."
"Certainly, sir," answered the teller, "but there's no need to use that kind of language."
"Couldja move it along lady? I just wanna open a f***ing cheque account," growled the would-be customer.
"I'll be glad to be of service, sir," said the teller, flushing slightly, "but I would appreciate not being spoken to in that way."
"Just lemme open a f***ing cheque account, okay?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak to the branch manager," said the angry teller, slipping off her stool and returning shortly with a dapper middle-aged man who asked how he could be of service.
"I just won the ten-million dollar lottery, buddy," snarled the man, "and all I wanna do is open a f***ing cheque account."
"I see," said the manager sympathetically. "And this BITCH is giving you trouble?"