Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 23 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptise a cat.
Posted on: 23 February 2013 by jjbomber
It seems the judge made a mistake giving Oscar bail. He thought being paraplegic meant that he was 'armless.
Oscar's back at home now, relaxing with his feet up.
Posted on: 23 February 2013 by Mike-B
UK Gov (bless 'em) statistics indicate their is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Posted on: 23 February 2013 by Mike-B
6 out of 7 dwarf's are not Happy.
Posted on: 23 February 2013 by Mike-B
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
Posted on: 24 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
After nearly 3 months of trying, my wife has just told me that she's pregnant.
Worst stutter ever.
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Cbr600
Subject: touchingly romantic
A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text......
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
He replied........ "I'm taking a shit. What should I do?"
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My gay brother has reassured me that gayness doesn't run in the family.
That's a shame, because I simply adore his sequin sparkle Pashmina.
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I've been down in the dumps lately.
The food there is better than the wife's cooking.
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Steve J
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
My gay brother has reassured me that gayness doesn't run in the family. That's a shame, because I simply adore his sequin sparkle Pashmina.
You're at it again Tony. 
I listened to Walk On The Wild Side today and couldn't help thinking of you. 
ATB Sweetie
Steve
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Can I be your bear?
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
The poppy was of significance for my grandpa, because between the years 1939 and 1945, he was a heroin addict.
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Steve J
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Can I be your bear?
OK. Give us a hug. 
Posted on: 25 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Mmmmmm Moobs
Posted on: 26 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Bob and Dave are in the pub after work on Friday.
"I have to go into town," says Dave. "I'm making the last preparations for a romantic dinner for two."
"What do you need?" says Bob. "Champagne and candles?"
"Nah," says Dave. "A woman."
Posted on: 26 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Whats black and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre!
Posted on: 26 February 2013 by BigH47
Fact for Today: jokes about hypochondria don't get any better, do they ?
Posted on: 26 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I think the wife's going to regret having a long lie-in today.
She's already late for work and she'll need to wash off that ridiculous blue lipstick and white foundation before she goes.
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
In a lesbian relationship, who makes the sandwiches?
Neither. They both eat out.
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by Steve J
Gay jokes now Tony? 
Loved it.
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by pcstockton
What do you call a thousand lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My dad did the best Elvis impression ever tonight!
I've just found him dead in the toilet.
Posted on: 27 February 2013 by Mike-B
Going thru airport security ..........
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
'That's why we ask'.
???
Posted on: 28 February 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
