Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
IKEA stopped selling their beef meatballs 'cause its got laminit
I thought that was B&Q's wooden flooring Mike?
IKEA stopped selling their beef meatballs 'cause its got laminit
That's piss funny!
IKEA stopped selling their beef meatballs 'cause its got laminit
That's piss funny!
Originally Posted by George Fredrik:
The investigation of the wrong meat being in the wrong products has led to an investigations of B&Q's floor coverings.
Apparently some has Lamb-in-it.
It must be the way you tell 'em.
Cardinal 1: What are we here for?
Cardinal 2: We're electing a replacement for that self-righteous guy who had to resign under the weight of his past misdeeds and threw the whole organisation into disarray just as its corrosive culture of sexual impropriety emerged into the open
Cardinal 1: Oh yes. Poor Mr Huhne.
Lord Nelson was standing on the poop deck with his confident Captain Hardy by his side, when suddenly they heard a cry from the crows nest, “FOUR FRENCH FRIGATES ON THE HORIZON!!”
Very calmly, Nelson turned to Hardy and said, “Hardy old chap, would you kindly tell my aid to fetch my red battle dress jacket”.
After a slight bow to acknowledge, Hardy followed up with this request, and a couple of minutes later the aid arrived with the red battle dress jacket and seconds later, Nelson was wearing it proudly in readiness for the battle to come.
Then Hardy turned to Nelson and said, “My Lord, your red battle jacket stands out very brightly, are you sure this is a wise choice of attire for the battle?
Nelson masterfully replies, “Hardy, we are out-numbered four to one, The ensuing battle is going to be very bitter and bloody, and our men will need to stay inspired by my visual leadership. My bright red jacket will not show any stain of the guts and gore that will be flying though the air in this fracas, and the red colour will mask any wounds of battle that I receive while the men fight on proudly believing in my invincibility!”.
Very impressed with this reply, Captain Hardy was nodding his understanding when suddenly they heard another cry from the crows nest, “FORTY-FOUR FRENCH FRIGATES ON THE HORIZON!!”
Very calmly, Nelson turned to Hardy and said, "Hardy old chap, would you kindly tell my aid to fetch my brown corduroy battle dress trousers”.
IKEA stopped selling their beef meatballs 'cause its got laminit
That's piss funny!
Originally Posted by George Fredrik:
The investigation of the wrong meat being in the wrong products has led to an investigations of B&Q's floor coverings.
Apparently some has Lamb-in-it.
It must be the way you tell 'em.
I may the way I tell it, but it was original like the vegetarian one earlier as well.
What do you call an insect that takes part?
A participant!
ATB from George
PS: I have invented hundred at this level, but here is a my very first joke - or at least the first one I remember inventing.
Two rabbits, mother and offspring having a talk.
Mother says,
"Why are you sitting there with your toes all linked together like that?"
Baby rabbit replies,
"Mother, I'am mixing -my-toe-sys!"
What can you call an insect of no importance?
Insignificant.
What can you call an insect expecting babies?
Pregnant!
ATB from George.
Did you hear the one about the electrical stop button that was very unhappy, and went to so the psychologist?
He was diagnosed as suffering from depression.
The suggestion was to leaving him turned on ...
ATB from
A bicycle was bought by an eighteen stone man. One wheel hub said to the other,
"How are you doing?"
"Bearing up under the strain," was the reply.
ATB from George
What could you call an Austin Allegro car, where the engine has stalled for the last time, and is coasting to a final halt?
"Diminuendo all Fine, e Morendo."
What do you call an Austin Meastro without a radio fitted?
"Unmusical."
ATB from George
What does it say at the end of the French language version of the film, Jaws?
"Fin."
And at thge end of the Italian version?
"Fineto!"
What is the difference a hungry hose and a ghastly 1800 cc British sports car made by British Leyland?
One is an MTGG, and the other is an MGBGT...
ATB from George
Why did the viper wier'er nose?
'Coz the adder 'ad'er 'ankerchief!
ATB from George
What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a cabbage?
A Collie-flower!
ATB from George
It would be unfair if you took the "f" out of funfair!
ATB from George
Hello George.
What has tickled your funny bone this evening? 
Steve
Jason
After ten years of doing almost nothing, my pet tortoise has got himself a girlfriend, is working out and has had his first fight.
He's really coming out of his shell.
After ten years of doing almost nothing, my pet tortoise has got himself a girlfriend, is working out and has had his first fight.
He's really coming out of his shell.
Euch!
What do you call a thousand lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
Fcuk me that is brilliant.
I'm going to steal it.