Best Jokes (continues)

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6"
The husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 
The wife asks "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 
"They had eggs"

The UK Ministry of Defence announced that cuts in the defence budget included removing 50% of the Tank Regiments front line tanks.

They also confirmed there is no truth in rumours that the Parachute Regiment has mysteriously disappeared.   

Come on Tony - at the risk of sounding like a feeble liberal (which I suppose I am) - this sort of "joke" is not really very "nice", is it?  Whatever your wife may have done (if you have one) she does not deserve this.  Or does she?

Don  overcast downtown York

No Tony, err, quite Tony.....

(Shows whites of eyes, and tiptoes away in the general direction of planet earth.......)

I know a man who's got one exactly 12" long but he doesn't use it as a rule.

Tony,

You are always worse when you have been mixing with those 500 boys!

At work I was asked by a colleague if he could use my dictaphone. I said "No. Use your finger like everyone else".

True story.

You are more than welcome to visit. A similar distance to Brands or Goodwood.

I thought you got her one for Valentine's Day.

It's more of a family bush than tree.

How Many Forum Members Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

 And 1 to say that his wife walked in after he changed the light bulb and she said how much brighter the room was!