Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I love my butcher. He was very comforting when I found out I'd lost my colouring-in book. He gave me a shoulder to crayon.
Posted on: 11 March 2013 by winkyincanada
Originally Posted by jjbomber:
Originally Posted by tonym:

How Many Forum Members Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?


1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

 And 1 to say that his wife walked in after he changed the light bulb and she said how much brighter the room was!

2 to ask for assistance in posting photos of their newly changed lightbulbs.

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Adam Meredith
Originally Posted by tonym:
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

And 2 forum members to point out that it's not about the light bulbs - but all about what you see.

 

And 1 self-obsessed forum member to object as he thinks all the posts are a personal attack on him.

 

And (if it hasn't been posted) someone who wonders if anyone would notice the change under 'double-blind conditions'.

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Salmon Dave
Originally Posted by Mike-B:

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6"
The husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 
The wife asks "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 
"They had eggs"



It's not funny after four times on the forum.

Sorry five.

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Mike-B
Originally Posted by Salmon Dave:

It's not funny after four times on the forum.


Sorry five.

So should we all be required to look back on previous posts to avoid a repeat??  

I am not that bothered but when was the previous one ???

 

Lets just agree it needed to be replaced as the milk had gone sour.  

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Noogle
Originally Posted by Adam Meredith:
Originally Posted by tonym:
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

And 2 forum members to point out that it's not about the light bulbs - but all about what you see.

 

And 1 self-obsessed forum member to object as he thinks all the posts are a personal attack on him.

 

And (if it hasn't been posted) someone who wonders if anyone would notice the change under 'double-blind conditions'.

And another forum lurker to say that his light with dedicated 10mm power wiring and its own consumer unit looks much better.

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by MDS

And another forum member to argue strenuously that they down-graded from a lightbulb and now use a much cheaper candle that is more enjoyable and out-performs lightbulbs regardless of price

 

MDS 

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by MDS:

And another forum member to argue strenuously that they down-graded from a lightbulb and now use a much cheaper candle that is more enjoyable and out-performs lightbulbs regardless of price

 

MDS 

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Apologies to those insulted:
Posted on: 11 March 2013 by 911gt3r
Originally Posted by MDS:

And another forum member to argue strenuously that they down-graded from a lightbulb and now use a much cheaper candle that is more enjoyable and out-performs lightbulbs regardless of price

 

MDS 

You are a bad man Mike !  ATB Peter

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Conortsun
A chap has an appointment with his GP. And, after asking the doctor if he could take a look at his 'old fella' he's asked by the doctor to drop his pants. What he unfurls causes the doctor to gasp - easily 15" on the slack. Unperturbed, the doctor examines the patient's chap and, after a while announces he can't see anything wrong with it. 'Aye' says the patient ' it's a belter isn't it?!'
Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Noogle

I use an HD camcorder to film my old filament bulbs and play them back on the TV.  Much better than those harsh modern ones.

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by MDS
Originally Posted by Noogle:

I use an HD camcorder to film my old filament bulbs and play them back on the TV.  Much better than those harsh modern ones.

Excellent!

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by Cbr600

Tony m, like the candescent lamp jibe, LOL

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by George Fredrik

Oy!

 

The light of a candle is lovely as that of a proper oil lamp with a mantle.

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 11 March 2013 by jjbomber
Newsflash: The expected immigration surge OF 4 MILLION from
Romania and Bulgaria is highly unlikely now, as we have eaten all their
transport.
Posted on: 12 March 2013 by rodwsmith

I hear that Chris Huhne has asked Vicky Pryce to serve his eight month sentence for him.

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50 a minute (charges may vary).

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

Posted on: 12 March 2013 by Cbr600

Picture3 Picture2 Picture1

 

SENIOR CITIZENS MEDICINE CABINET

 

It has taken me many, many months of my retirement time, but I have just finished building my new Medicine Cabinet. I don’t know about you, but I think it was well worth the time and expense.

 

Disease          Wine                            Daily dose

Allergies          Chardonay de Paeuf          1 glass

Anemia          Graves          4 glasses

Bronchitis          Bourgogneor Bordeaux             3 cups

Constipation          Anjou blanc electricity Vouvray          4 glasses

Coronary arteries          Dry Champagne          4 glasses 

Diarrhoea          Beaujolais Nouveau          4 glasses

Fever          Champagne sec          1 bottle

Heart          Burgundy, Santenay Rouge          2 glasses

Uric acid gout          Sancerre, Pouilly Fume          4 glasses

Hypertension          Alsace, Sancerre          4 glasses

Menopause          Saint Emilion                                           4 glasses

Depression          Rhine          4 glasses

Obesity          Burgundy          4 glasses

Obesity          Rose Provence          1 bottle

Rheumatism          Champagne          4 glasses

Excessive weight loss      Chateau de Beaune          4 glasses