Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 19 March 2013 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
The military coalition have been told that they cannot possibly count the loss of life in Afghanistan. Because of the tally ban.

Oh, that's good. Gonna have to steal that one as well Tony.

Posted on: 19 March 2013 by George Fredrik
Originally Posted by Cbr600:

LOL George 

 

Should try those blue tablets !

Yes, but I was given a nice almost virgin new one [a couple of years ago] with a log splitting head, that has a real American Hickory shaft that is beautifully straight. I am kitted out for the next thirty years! The old one was Norwegian, which cannot be as good can it:?

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 19 March 2013 by George Fredrik

Sent to me by by a friend, and very much on topic!

 

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Cbr600

worth a view and a laugh

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Cbr600

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."


His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Cbr600

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.

Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."


Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"


3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"


"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!! 

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Cbr600

 

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women believe that giving birth must be way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I  have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

Time for another beer.

What deep thinkers we men are...

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by tonym
It was the other way around in our house. A year after our first was born, I suggested to the wife that it might be time to try for our second child. I told her that I'd be with her all the way.


She then kicked me in the bollocks.

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Wow. Last weekend I could only afford four pints of beer down the pub. Now, thanks to the budget, this weekend I'll be able to afford four pints.
Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Blueknowz

Posted on: 20 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
1p off a pint? So now we'll be drinking 'ints'.
Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
1p off a pint? So now we'll be drinking 'ints'.

LOL nice one tony

Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My sexy new Swedish girlfriend. She's so hot she almost glows at night. I love thermal Imogen.
Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Cbr600

BK,

   Are they dr dre headphones or skullkandy?

Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Frank F:
Originally Posted by tonym:
It was the other way around in our house. A year after our first was born, I suggested to the wife that it might be time to try for our second child. I told her that I'd be with her all the way.


She then kicked me in the bollocks.

Immediately after the birth of his first child the father asked the midwife when he could start sexual relations again with his wife.  The nurse said that it very much depended on whether she was in a public ward or a private one!!

LOL

 

I dare you to test this approach ( see you in hospital !)

Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I was on my way to a Michael McIntyre gig when a fat, gay, Chinese gentleman skipped past me. Which spoiled all the jokes at the show.
Posted on: 21 March 2013 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by Frank F:
Originally Posted by tonym:
It was the other way around in our house. A year after our first was born, I suggested to the wife that it might be time to try for our second child. I told her that I'd be with her all the way.


She then kicked me in the bollocks.

Immediately after the birth of his first child the father asked the midwife when he could start sexual relations again with his wife.  The nurse said that it very much depended on whether she was in a public ward or a private one!!

The reply I heard was 'well....a gentleman waits until the placenta is removed'. G

Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My life is screwed due to chronic heroin use. But on the plus side... I've great cheekbones.
Posted on: 21 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Barclays have paid their chief investment banker Rich Ricci a bonus of £18 million. With that amount of money he could earn nearly £2000 per day in interest alone. Or £1.36 if he puts it in a Barclays current account.
Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by GraemeH:
Originally Posted by Frank F:
Originally Posted by tonym:
It was the other way around in our house. A year after our first was born, I suggested to the wife that it might be time to try for our second child. I told her that I'd be with her all the way.


She then kicked me in the bollocks.

Immediately after the birth of his first child the father asked the midwife when he could start sexual relations again with his wife.  The nurse said that it very much depended on whether she was in a public ward or a private one!!

The reply I heard was 'well....a gentleman waits until the placenta is removed'. G

yuk !!

Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
So now I'm ghostist?
Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Adam Meredith
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
So now I'm ghostist? 

No - you appear to be someone who spends to much of his time working with men and lacks the discrimination to keep some of what he overhears to himself.

 

You are no Jerry Sadowitz - who had the slight justification that he made up his jokes.

 

As with Cbr600 (and others) you might think before being naughty.

Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Richard Dane

Tony, that last one had to go. 

 

I will remind some members posting on this thread that the title is Best Jokes...

Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
No problem!
Posted on: 22 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My wife said "Tell me you love me." I said "Give me a chance, I'm only on my 8th can."