Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 30 March 2013 by Don Atkinson
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been dismissed from her job, to the dismay of colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently "Remain calm and stay on the line" was not considered to be an appropriate or correct response...
Nice one Paul
Cheers
Don
Posted on: 30 March 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I'm seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about dogs being stolen. Are the Koreans stockpiling food before they go to war?
Current affairs and humour in a one liner !
Very good Tony.
I suppose you could ask the american bombers to stop dropping dummie munitions, and start raining cats and dogs !!
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
So Sunderland have sacked Martin O'Neill.....
They're going down faster than the price of a Rolf Harris painting.
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by rodwsmith
Tony, have I missed some piece of news about Rolf Harris?
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by rodwsmith:
Tony, have I missed some piece of news about Rolf Harris?
It's called a super injunction.....G
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I'm sure that if someone used a search engine and typed a celebrity's name in, they might find out the latest news.
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by jjbomber
Been a bad week for people with beards and glasses. Rolf Harris arrested. Then Richard Griffiths died. Fingers crossed for the mother in law.
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I'm sure that if someone used a search engine and typed a celebrity's name in, they might find out the latest news.
Indeed.....Can you guess what it is yet?
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by GraemeH:
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I'm sure that if someone used a search engine and typed a celebrity's name in, they might find out the latest news.
Indeed.....Can you guess what it is yet?
"two litte boys"
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by Tony Lockhart
An extra leg and two little boys?
Posted on: 31 March 2013 by Cbr600
Diddle...iddle.....iddle....um
Posted on: 02 April 2013 by Karl
I think you are on dodgy ground, is this a kangaroo court ?
Posted on: 02 April 2013 by Cbr600
Posted on: 02 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I went to a fancy dress party last night and saw a fat lass dressed as Dracula getting stuck into the food.
Vampire the buffet slayer.
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I've just been accused of being 'a plagiarist'....
Their words not mine.
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My mate reckons he can sniff out a 15 year old virgin schoolgirl from 20 miles away.
That's nonce sense.
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I've just been to a Star trek convention. According to this year's theme, everyone dressed up as the Japanese guy.
Sulus. Thousands of them.
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by tonym
Just won a fantastic prize in a Doctor Who competition.
Two tickets for the 1966 world cup final.
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by tonym:
Just won a fantastic prize in a Doctor Who competition.
Two tickets for the 1966 world cup final.
Very funny Tony.
Keep the result to yourself !!
Posted on: 03 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I've just slipped on a banana skin.
My girlfriend said she'd prefer if I wore a condom.
Posted on: 04 April 2013 by rodwsmith
Kim Jong-Un prepares to unleash new and devastating missile towards unsuspecting US
Posted on: 04 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
What's the difference between a large pizza and a PhD in English Literature?
A large pizza will feed a family of four.
Posted on: 04 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
How does a cockney contact the local authority through his computer?
He presses the cancel button.
Posted on: 04 April 2013 by james n
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
How does a cockney contact the local authority through his computer? He presses the cancel button.
Brilliant.
Posted on: 05 April 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Maybe North Korea doesn't have the capability to nuke the USA, but at least their heart is in the right place.
