Best Jokes (continues)

No matter what your job is,

you should always try to make it as interesting as possible

: Used Car...

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away.'

We can't drive.'

Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ......so we're just waiting.

Pop Trivia for Today:-

"T'Pau" were originally supposed to be called "Typo", until an ironic clerical error changed everything .

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.

A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?"

The woman says, "No, f**k off."

The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

Just put the TV on and realised the funeral of Margaret Thatcher was on, to celebrate I thought I would have drink ,maybe a pint of Thatchers Cold !

Spooky!

Being a true yorkshire man through and through, i know these things

i would even go "t'foot of our stairs" on this

Not like Tony L to be beaten to the punchline. :-)

John

is this a Tony echo?

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an 
after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally 
handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged 
man entered. He was so striking that the 
woman could not take her eyes off him. 

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob 
noticed her overly attentive stare and 
walked directly toward her. (As any man 
would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for £20.00...on one condition..." 

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman 
asked what the condition was. The man 
replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." 

The woman considered his proposition for 
a moment, and then slowly removed a £20 
note from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. 
She looked deeply and passionately into his 
eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? 
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. 
Woman: Oh, I see. 
Officer: Can I see your license please? 
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. 
Officer: Don’t have one? 
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. 
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. 
Woman: I can’t do that. 
Officer: Why not? 
Woman: I stole this car. 
Officer: Stole it? 
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. 
Officer: You what? 
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. 

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. 

Officer2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! 

The woman steps out of her vehicle. 

Woman: Is there a problem sir? 
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. 
Woman: Murdered the owner? 
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. 

Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am? 
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. 
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. 

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. 

Officer2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. 

Woman: I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!