Best Jokes (continues)

Spanish Oysters  

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain ...  

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.  

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'  

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'  

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'  

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'  

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'  

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.'                                

+1 nice one Tony

I coud have expected that from others but not U2 tony

Cliff Max Rod

Korean magnetic officers!

At last, a purpose for all those milk bottle tops I collected as a kid.

Knew the gold tops were worth saving to pull rank later in life! G

My daughters fledgeling company 'Animalation Films' first screening! G

Never happen here! 

Graeme,

   Thats a really good short story

Very impressive

You are very kind.  She is 14 so has plenty time to develop her talent - draws like an angel.

I'll show her your comment and it will give her a boost I'm sure. G

Another option might be to suggest he gets (or you buy her) a claymation kit, with a simple camera and plasticine to start animation filming.

Even the simple film she has already posted must have taken a great deal of work

Hope she keeps up the interest

Paul

Thanks Paul. G

Gen. Dannatt has remarkably little iron mongery considering he entered Sandhurst in 1969 and retired from the British Army in 2009 - We don't give our soldiers medals because they know how to tie their boots up like they do in the American army. 

      A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing...they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.' '

That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says,'I'll get him in the course.'

So his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 

'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.

  'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!

' 'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. 

Yesterday morning, just before we lef t to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal.

Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!

' 'That's my boy!'