Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
That is funny. Easy to see how it does but clever anyway.
That is funny. Easy to see how it does but clever anyway.
Yes, its almost in style of Tommy Cooper with its simplicity, but funny anyway
The new Pope has hired two English tea ladies, Tina Smith and Marjorie Taylor
However they felt that although he was drinking enough quality English tea, he was not eating enough. So one morning they accompanied his morning tea with a full English breakfast. The Pope surveyed the wonderful plate and declined the meal.
He turned to them and said:
"Don't fry for me Marge and Tina"
Nice one Reg !
A man walks into a bar and orders ten martinis.
'Ten martinis' thinks the barman, that's crazy. But he makes them and lines them up on the bar.
The man proceeds to drink them all, one after another, rapidly.
"Sir, there has to be some story behind why you drink ten martinis in a row like that" said the barman.
"I just had my first blowjob" replies the man"
"Oh, well, congratulations!" says the barman "Please, allow me to offer you another one, on the house"
"No thanks" says the man
"If ten can't get rid of the taste, I don't suppose an eleventh will make any difference"
That's a disgrace, said the priest, especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.
You've got to admit it, the prison panto's looking good this year.
As long as it's not unexpectedly 'alternative' comedy. Man, that just isn't funny at all. G
All Ken Barlow did was take a 12 year old Escort to Kevin Webster's garage for a touch up. How was he to know that Michael Le Vell was going to service her. The poor Escort was expecting a change of big end.
A STORY FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT On the farm lived a Chicken and a Donkey, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the Donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee-hawed' for the chicken to go get the Farmer for help! Off the Chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the Farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the Farmer's new Z-3 silver BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the beautiful motor car and sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the Donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the Chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the Chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the Farmer's car, the Chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the Donkey! Happy and proud, the Chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the Farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, would you believe, the Chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the Donkey to save his life! The Donkey thought for a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the Chicken to grab his Willie and he would then lift him out of the pit. The Chicken got a good grip, and the Donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life. And the moral of the story? When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick. |
Very good, Paul. As a Mercedes fan I particularly enjoyed this one.
MDS
My daughter .....we breed them tough up here.
G
I was reading about the MP, Nigel Evans, and the gay rape claims.
Is there anything these bastwards won't put on their expenses?
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumour has it, though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one and replace when it becomes troublesome.
We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, know this is funny! From the diary of a Kindergarten Teacher
My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickan' elephant!"
I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"
"It's a frickan' elephant! It says so on the picture!"
And so it does...
" A f r i c a n Elephant "
Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful? Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.
I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
LOL! Good laugh to start the day.
Fergie has retired? Well she hasn't done much since that helicopter book anyway....Oh I see.
"First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires.
Somewhere there is a Scouser with a lamp and one wish left" - Martin Luther King