Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 08 May 2013 by Reginald Halliday
I've just seen an Irishman stamping on a hedgehog. He's trying to get the conker out.
Posted on: 08 May 2013 by tonym
Sir Alex Ferguson:
26 Years
13 Premier League Titles
10 Community Shields
5 FA Cups
4 League Cups
2 European Cups
1 Piece of Chewing Gum
Posted on: 08 May 2013 by Conortsun
Ryan Giggs is said to have ruled himself out of succeeding Alex Ferguson as he wants to spend more time with his brothers family.
Posted on: 09 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I'm opening a new chain of coffee shops for the under tens.
It's called Tarbucks.
Posted on: 09 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.
We took the A4.
Posted on: 09 May 2013 by mista h
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
If you have any young uns in the family they will enjoy this.
paul...have just sent you a very good one on gorillas
Mista h
Posted on: 10 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I ordered a Ploughman's Lunch at a pub in Lincolnshire today...
The barman brought me Borscht & Vodka..
Posted on: 10 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My drinking gets women to open up.
Mainly pub landladies.
Posted on: 10 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 11 May 2013 by Cbr600
That is wrong on so many levels !
Probably also sell the video of Roger the Rabbit
Posted on: 11 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I love toy boats, especially when you have a little tug in the bath.
Posted on: 11 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I accidentally sent a picture of my willy to everyone in my address book... not only is it embarrassing, but it cost me a fortune in stamps too.
Posted on: 12 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
When the three kidnapped women in Ohio were interviewed after their ten year ordeal, they all asked the same question:
"Have Arsenal won anything?"
Posted on: 12 May 2013 by mista h
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
When the three kidnapped women in Ohio were interviewed after their ten year ordeal, they all asked the same question: "Have Arsenal won anything?"
Thats wicked Tony......true but still wicked. gonna send this on to a mate who is an Arsenal STH.
mista H
Posted on: 12 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Doctor Doctor! Do you think your surname influenced your choice of career?
Posted on: 13 May 2013 by Reginald Halliday
My, Chris Huhne's sentence really sped by.
Posted on: 13 May 2013 by tonym
I just went up to the counter in Waterstones and said "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."
Posted on: 13 May 2013 by mista h
A joke + a true story this.
Standing at the bus stop after footie last nite,when 4 scowsers came walking past. One of them says to me av ya got a light pal ? I said sorry i dont smoke. So he asks the guy standing next to me if he had a light,guy offers him his cigarette lighter to which the scowser says you wouldnt have a ciggy to go with the light eh pal ?
Only a frigging scowser could do that.
Mista h
Posted on: 13 May 2013 by Tarquin Maynard - Portly
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:
I've just seen an Irishman stamping on a hedgehog. He's trying to get the conker out.
Its not 1973.
Posted on: 13 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I tried speed dating last night.
After my sixth line she left because I was talking total codswallop.
Posted on: 14 May 2013 by tonym
Possibly the worst letter I ever wrote :-
"Dear Jim,
Could you please fix it for me to be on it's a knockout ?"
Posted on: 14 May 2013 by Jono 13
Did I miss something?
Jono
Posted on: 14 May 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My wife left me last year to work for the tourist board on a tropical island.
She sells Seychelles by the sea shore.
Posted on: 14 May 2013 by ewemon
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"
Posted on: 14 May 2013 by Jan-Erik Nordoen
Absolutely brilliant Ewemon. I'm stealing it.
Jan
