Best Jokes (continues)

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet.

 As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.

The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' ..... Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

 As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully.

She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!

The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store.

The man says, 'I'll be right over.'

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

 The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions.

The damn frog just SITS there!'

The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and STERNLY says:

 LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE MORE TIME!!!

    A very tired nurse walks into a bank,  totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls  a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she  realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing  a beat, she says:

'Well, great....that's just great.....some *******'s got my  pen!'

Is that mista R Sole CBR ?

Mista H

The judge:

"Mr, Phallus: what do you remember of the night of the incident?"

"Well. your honour: it was light... it was dark... it was light.. it was dark!"

Check, please!

Yes, the system filter got there before you !

Luv it !!

Breaking News:

London police have unveiled the latest technology to patrol the River Thames.

Row Boat Cop .

Nice one, and as a QPR fan, I'm in 100% agreement!

Give us a break Tony, we are hoping for more entertaining times!

Ken

A few days ago I was  having some work done at my local garage.

A  blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and  another customer asked, 'What is a  seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know,  the little piece in the middle of the engine, I  have lost it and need a new one..'

She  replied that she did not know exactly what it  was, but this piece had always been there. 

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper  and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece  looked like.
She drew a circle and in  the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her  over to a car just like hers which had its hood  up and asked 'is there a 710 on this  car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course,  its right there.' the mechanic  fainted If you're not sure what a 710  is

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A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Saudi Arabia.

 A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Saudis?"

 The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn't know how to speak Arabic.

 So I planned to convey the message through three posters.

 First poster : A man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster : The man is drinking Coca-Cola.

 Third poster : Our man is now totally refreshed.

And then these posters were pasted all over the place.

 "Terrific! That should have worked!" said the friend.

 "The hell it should have!" said the salesman.

"No one told me they read from right to left!"

Reminds me of the Taiwanese 'Coke Adds Life' debacle.  G