Best Jokes (continues)

Excellent!

steve

For those who haven't heard, Washington State just passed both laws - gay marriage and legalized marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because:

Leviticus 20:13 says "If a man lies with another man, as he does with a woman, they should be stoned."

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

That's nothing like how you spell ...SERVITUDE

The biblical injunction that thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman was actually a misinterpretation.
It really means that if a woman friend asks ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ you are allowed to lie, but if a male friend asks the same question you call him a fat bastward and mock him forever.

LOL! Tony, Bomber, thanks for starting my day with a laugh.

Inspired by a recent photo on the photo thread but unworthy of posting there (and probably here too) 

INVESTMENT PLAN * If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today * If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG insurance company one year ago, you would have £33.00 today. * If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers five years ago, you would have nothing today. * If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have nothing today. But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drunk all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. Further supported by: * A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year. * Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking ......... https://forums.naimaudio.com/to...37#19729071270770537

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Any jokes on toenails, Paul? Take a DEEEEEEEP breath!

Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog—now that's cool."

Im sure i will regret asking, why toenails?

 You, see. That's a great joke!