Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
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<tt>Answering machine message,</tt>
<tt>"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
</tt>
<tt>I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep.
</tt>
<tt>If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."</tt>
<tt>My wife and I had words, >> but I didn't get to use mine.</tt>
Inspired by a recent photo on the photo thread but unworthy of posting there (and probably here too)
Reminds me of the "Fook Hing Coffin Shop in Kuala Lumpur" I came across a while back. I've got a photo of it at home but you can find it on Flickr quite easily via a Google search.
<tt>Frustration is trying to find >> your glasses without your glasses.</tt>
<tt>Every morning is the dawn of a new error.</tt>
Cricket lovers only, if you're still awake!
An afternoon during a Test match at the Melbourne Cricket Ground was rudely interrupted by a between-overs announcement through the public address system. "Would Mr Smith of Hawthorn please go home," the PA announced, "your wife is having her baby and must be taken to hospital." Laughter flowed around the ground as the spectators pictured a stressed father-to-be rushing to the hospital. But about half an hour the voice again boomed across the ground, this time with some urgency: "Repeating our earlier message to Mr Smith of Hawthorn... would he please go home immediately, because his wife is in labour and must be taken to hospital straight away." Much more mirth from the crowd, this time picturing a man reluctant to leave the cricket - but surely by now bidding farewell to his mates to dash to his vehicle and tear off home. How wrong were 20,000 spectators. Much to their delight the now pleading message was repeated with grim urgency some 20 minutes later. After a further 30 minutes passed there was a bland announcement: "Would Mr J. Smith of Hawthorn please go to the Mercy Hospital, where his wife has now given birth to a baby son."
When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07
Just been stopped in the street by a Lady conducting a survey. She asked me what I knew about dwarfs?
I said Very Little .
Just been stopped in the street by a Lady conducting a survey. She asked me what I knew about dwarfs?
I said Very Little .
Thanks BigH, I'm going to use this tomorrow.
Reminds me of the "Fook Hing Coffin Shop in Kuala Lumpur" I came across a while back. I've got a photo of it at home but you can find it on Flickr quite easily via a Google search.
There is an arch over the highway near where I live which marks the boundary of the town. On leaving the town you see the words 'See you soon!' - At the base of the arch is a funeral parlour with coffins in the window. Sadly I can't get both shop and sign in the same photo without standing too far away.
Sadly a lot of subscribers to hifi forums will not understand the previous comment
This time some "amusing" signs from Europe
From the BBC at 10:35pm last Friday
Seeing the Pussy People thread reminded me of this joke. I trust it's not too rude for this forum.
Aussie Helpline.
"G'day mate, Aussie Helpline here. What's the problem cobbler?"
"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila. She's been stung on the ming by a wasp and now her pussy has completely closed up."
"Bummer mate!"
"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."
Apologies to pussy lovers everywhere.
My friend thinks it'd be impossible to survive at −273.15°C, but I think it would be 0K.
My friend thinks it'd be impossible to survive at −273.15°C, but I think it would be 0K.
Absolutely.
Silicon Valley.
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."