Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Three engineering students gather to discuss the possible designers of the human body.
One says, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another says, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last says, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the State will prove that this defendant did in fact discard his breeches and insert his member into the innocent sheep; that he did ejaculate into said sheep and remove his member, whereupon this sheep turned around and licked his member clean.''
Then one member of the jury turned and whispered to the other juror and said, ''The good ones will do that you know."
https://forums.naimaudio.com/to...74#22262699353967174
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I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the bugger off.
What do you call a camel with four humps?
A Saudi quattro.
What goes clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop, bang, bang, bang?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
Why do mice have such tiny balls?
Because so few of them can dance.
What do you call a camel with four humps?
A Saudi quattro.
LOL 
When a woman wants something done, he does that too.
It's Hell to be Old
OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the
previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's
like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I
tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
"Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still
nothing.
"We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it
between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked.
"You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied,
"Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
A
COWBOY TOMBSTONE :
Rules for Men to Follow that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his
headstone in Logan , Utah . He died not knowing that he would win the
'Coolest Headstone' contest !!!
FIVE
RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1.
It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to
time, cleans up, and has a job.
2.
It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3.
It's important to have a woman whom you can trust and doesn't lie to
you.
4.
It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes
to be with
you.
5.
It's very, very important that these four women do not know
each other or you could end up dead like me.
That is indeed very funny (if you know the show.) thanks.
Tried to change password on my computer to ....mypenis,
It won't let me. Keeps saying,
Not long enough !
That is indeed very funny (if you know the show.) thanks.
FG is possibly the least funny show on television.