Best Jokes (continues)

Rupert,

Your jokes would come across a whole lot better with some punctuation. 

Steve You are a troll get off line,

OhyouareawagRupertNomaliceintended 

I know what you mean...

Capitalisation, the difference between:

I helped my uncle Jack off a horse; and

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

I agree with Steve. Your jokes WOULD be easier to follow if you used capitalization and punctuation. At least I'd find them easier to follow.

What do you have against Steve?

Fido, a lovable mongrel, lived at a pub and was well known to all the regulars. One night, the landlord was ejecting the last, reluctant drinker and slammed the door on Fido’s tail, chopping it clean off. This caused much comment among the regular customers, and the tail was fixed above the bar for all to see.

One night, some years later, Fido peacefully passed away in his sleep. He floated up to Doggy Heaven and barked at the pearly gates. St Bernard came to let him in, but noticed he had no tail. Fido explained that he’d lost it, but St Bernard said that they only let whole dogs in, so he would have to go back and fetch it. Fido floated down to earth again, and got into the pub through the scullery window as usual. He tried to reach the tail over the bar, but couldn’t manage it. There was only one thing for it - he would have to get the boss up. He barked until the landlord came downstairs in his nightshirt, and then he explained his problem. The boss said “Well, I’m sorry Fido, but you know the rules - I can’t retail spirits after hours…

Whereas a female lead and very funny would be Mrs Brown's Boys. Well, almost a female lead!

Big School started tonight, pretty poor really a bit of a one joke programme. i cancelled the series link.  

So bad it's good.

The Lone Ranger and his pal Tonto were riding furiously to escape from a war party of hostile Indians, who sent a hail of arrows after them.  Many found their mark, the Lone Ranger's back soon looking like a pincushion, while Tonto somehow managed to escape unscathed.

Having eventually eluded their enemies, the two brought their horses to a halt and Tonto helped his wounded pal from the saddle.

"F**k me!" groaned the injured man, "How is it I'm stuck full of arrows and you get away scot free?"

"Oh, that?" said Tonto.  "It's my aftershave."

"Why? What do you use?" asked the Lone Ranger.

"Aramis."

For the culinary adventurous:

...and the modern follow up:

I JUST LOVE THIS WOMAN

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not be blown away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said

Pardon me,madam,i do not intend to be foreward,but did you know your dress is blowing up in this high wind.

Yes i know said the lady,but i need both hands to hold onto this hat.

But madam,you must know you are not wearing any panties,and your private parts are exposed!! said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down then back up again at the man and replied,SIR,anything you see down there is 75 years old,i just bought this hat yesterday.

Mista h

There are some strange people about. Yesterday I saw a bloke giving a bunch of flowers to a lamppost.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

So, does this mean that "innuendo" is NOT an Italian suppository?

Saw this on another forum and thought you guys might like it.

too much punctuation