Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Must be some kind of Cider Fecks.
Must be some kind of Cider Fecks.
That is remarkably good.
You should have seen the baton change.
It wasn't funny. Not in the slightest.
An elderly italian man living on the outskirts of Rimini went to the local church for confession.
The man said to the father during world war 2 a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door,and begged me to hide her from the nazis.
So i hid her in my attic. The priest replied that was a wonderful thing to do,and you do not have to confess that.
There is more to tell father,she started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week,and often twice on Sundays.
The priest said,that was a long time ago and by doing what you did you placed both of you in great danger,but 2 people under those cirumstances can easily sucomb to the weakness of the flesh..
However if you are truly sorry for your actions,you are indeed forgiven. Thank you father that is a great load off my mind.
i do have one last question. And what is that asked the priest?
SHOULD I TELL HER THAT THE WAR IS OVER ?
Mista h
Earlier this year, a group of bikers were riding out when they saw a girl about to jump off the Humber Bridge . So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through the group watching, past the Policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....what are you doing up there on that railing?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive", George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, why don't you give old George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the Policeman, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
She replied "My parents don't like me dressing up as a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
Glad you like it here is one about....CRICKETERS
An english lady walked into a Police staion,and the desk officer said,can i help you?
Yes she said i would like to report a case of sexual assault.
Where did this happen? the officer asked.
In the park down the road she replied.
Can you describe what happened? Yes,i was walking along the path when a man jumped out the bushes,and dragged me in there. he removed all my clothes,then dropped his pants to his knees,and had his wicked way with me.
Can you give me a description of him? asked the officer.
Yes,he was wearing white shoes,long white trousers,a white shirt and big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,on on each leg.
Most probably a cricketer said the officer.
Yes said the lady,he was an Australian cricketer.
Thats very observant of you said the officer,did you work that out from his accent?
NO said the woman,i worked it out because he was not in for very long.
Mista h
Glad you like it here is one about....CRICKETERS
An english lady walked into a Police staion,and the desk officer said,can i help you?
Yes she said i would like to report a case of sexual assault.
Where did this happen? the officer asked.
In the park down the road she replied.
Can you describe what happened? Yes,i was walking along the path when a man jumped out the bushes,and dragged me in there. he removed all my clothes,then dropped his pants to his knees,and had his wicked way with me.
Can you give me a description of him? asked the officer.
Yes,he was wearing white shoes,long white trousers,a white shirt and big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,one on each leg.
Most probably a cricketer said the officer.
Yes said the lady,he was an Australian cricketer.
Thats very observant of you said the officer,did you work that out from his accent?
NO said the woman,i worked it out because he was not in for very long.
Mista h
Glad you like it here is one about....CRICKETERS
An english lady walked into a Police staion,and the desk officer said,can i help you?
Yes she said i would like to report a case of sexual assault.
Where did this happen? the officer asked.
In the park down the road she replied.
Can you describe what happened? Yes,i was walking along the path when a man jumped out the bushes,and dragged me in there. he removed all my clothes,then dropped his pants to his knees,and had his wicked way with me.
Can you give me a description of him? asked the officer.
Yes,he was wearing white shoes,long white trousers,a white shirt and big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,one on each leg.
Most probably a cricketer said the officer.
Yes said the lady,he was an Australian cricketer.
Thats very observant of you said the officer,did you work that out from his accent?
NO said the woman,i worked it out because he was not in for very long.
Mista h
2nd innings?
I don't know much about life saving, but ...........But if anyone is going to bring this guy backto life, my money is on the girl on the right.
The picture isn't showing Graham.
The picture isn't showing Graham.
H, this may help!
2 crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames.
The small one turns to the bigger one and says,i cannot understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We are the same age,we were both the same size at birth,i just dont get it !!
Well says the big Croc,what have you been eating ?
Politicians,same as you replied the small croc
Hmm,well,where do you catch them ? Down the other side of the River near the parking lot by Westminster.
Same here hmm.....how do you catch them said the big croc.
Well,i crawl up under one of their BMW or MERCEDES cars,wait for them to get out the door,then i jump out,grab them by a leg,shake the shit out of them,then eat them.
Ah ! says the big croc. Thats your problem. Your not getting any real nourishment. See by the time you finnish shaking the shit out of a politician,their is nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.
Mista h
PS I have stacks of e mails that i could post on here. Can someone run thru how i can convert an e-mail to put on this M/B...Thanks
CONTROL + D ?
Next time I'll say it out loud.
CONTROL + D ?
Your a man of few words Duck,none of them any help.
Mista h
Looking down at the dying Vulcan, Capt Kirk shook his head and said "Should have gone to Spock's Savers."
steve
He's a computer nerd, so it'll be the first time he's had one.
...and apparently it's now a new life known as Chelsea Manning with him wanting to be a she?
Oh, no. Apparently that's not a joke after all!
If he does get a sex change courtesy of the US Army they'd probably keep him where he is.