Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
At a Catholic school, the first thing a teacher does in the morning is check the register...
Mainly to find out if any colleagues have been added to it.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my stockings."
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
But they'll be back in court today to try again.
He just wrote Thanks.
The most Interesting Word in the English Language-You Tube
Type whats above into the You Tube search Box
Mista H
A woman asks a man who is travelling with 6 children.
Are all these children yours ?
The man replies NO,i work in a condom factory and these are all customer complaints.
Mista H
A 3 year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
Mom he asked,are these my brains ?
NOT YET she replied.
Mista h
I have to admit that I got aroused whilst watching Rachel Riley on Countdown this afternoon ... not bad, 7 letters.
These badger culls always seem to go in sets.
Official confirmation that he is the biggest w@nker in government?
She wasn't angry. She's got leprosy.
I have to admit that I got aroused whilst watching Rachel Riley on Countdown this afternoon ... not bad, 7 letters.
I got orgasmic
THE PENIS POEM-------BY WILLIE NELSON
My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout
Time was when,on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now ive got a full time job
To find the F***ing thing
It used to be embarassing
The way it would be hung
It would stand and watch me shave
Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.
Mista h
Get Some Viagra
So I've heard.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASK FOR HELP WITH AN ERECTION LASTING
MORE THAN 4 HOURS ?
I walked into a chemist and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman i spoke to said that she and her sister owned the shop and did not employ a male pharmacist. Can i help you she said ? I told her that i would feel more at ease speaking to a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was very professional,and that i could talk to her in confidence. So i agreed and told her that i was getting erections lasting over 4 hours,and asked her what she could give me for my problem ? The pharmacist asked me to wait whilst she spoke to her sister. When she returned she said she had spoken with her sister and the very best they could offer me was a third of the business,a company car,a super King size bed and £3,000 a month expenses.
Mista h
A joke is like sex,neither is any good if you dont get it.
A kiss is just like shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
Marriage is just like a bank account,you put it in,you take it out,and you lose interest.
Mista h
Yes six times
Now I'm no expert, but wouldn't have it been cheaper and easier to have done that while they were there anyway?
I wouldn't care, but I'm Bob Geldof.
The Olympics used to be where the two super powers went head to head. Tokyo will be where you head home with new super powers.
Back to wife, back to reality.
