Best Jokes (continues)

This is funny because?......

I can't seem to finish Alex Ferguson's autobiography. Every time I think I'm close, Howard Webb adds six more pages on at the end.

Fabulous!

The inventor of the Doner kebab has died. Shish.

Cameron’s phone calls "have not, are not and will not" be listened to by the U.S.Secret Service the White House has assured the UK.. “We don’t care how many times he calls.”

Medics tried their best but couldn't find a doner.

Sorry I hadn't noticed the previous couple of posts which I did actually find quite amusing. I only drop in here once in a blue moon or when I feel like being offended.

Hopefully nobody offended by this....

"No Reps!
No For Sale or Wanted ads! (includes free gifts and loans of equipment)."

Oo-er..  I've been rumbled.  If it wasn't for that pesky duck...

It's a little known fact that before Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers danced they always had a tin of rice pudding which they used to heat up on a mobile gas cooker.

One day Fred forgot to puncture the tin when it was on the heater and the tin exploded......... 

There was pudding on the top hat and pudding on the tails !

THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE 

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. 
He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?" 

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." 
She stands up, and Gets off at the next stop. 


The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!" 


"Yeah?", says the hippie. 


"Yeah!", say the bus driver. 
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, 
So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, 
Put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, 
And pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God." 


The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. 


"I am God," he declares to the nun, 
Keeping the hood low about his Face. 
"Have sex with me." 


The nun agrees without question, 
But begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, 
As she is desperate not to lose her virginity. 


'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. 
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. 


"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!" 


"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

Original version starts at the 8 minute mark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE_RHilTfJc

The original and still the best.