Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 21 November 2013 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by BigH47:
Adam do you really have nothing better to do?
A joke gets repeated so what!
Just read the cyclists vs motorist thread for repeats.
Meanwhile, in other news, Monty Python are reforming for millions of pounds to tell 50 year old jokes for the 2,000th time.
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by tonym
A hunter shoots himself in the genitals with his shotgun. A few hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he's approached by a doctor. "The good news is you're going to be ok. The bad news is there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage to your penis so I'm going to have to refer you to a colleague of mine"
"Is he a plastic surgeon?" asks the hunter.
"No." says the doctor, "he's a flute player. he'll teach you where to put your fingers so you don't p*** in your face."
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by tonym
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by BigH47
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by Derek Wright
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by mista h
Originally Posted by MDS:
Originally Posted by mista h:
Originally Posted by Cbr600:
Keep smiling H, lifes too short.
And please keep posting, its a good laugh, and certainly keep emailing me 
Happy as a pig in s - - - Cbr. No problem sending you e mails.
Mista H
Yes. Don't let the duck get you down, Mista H. The occasional repeat in the jokes thread is a tiny price worth paying for the regular stream of the chuckles that this give me. The more the merrier.
MDS
No worries MDS,there is nothing that gets me down these days.
Oh i tell i lie,London traffic,that often does my head in,and watching bloody Fulham play.
Mista H
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by Salmon Dave
Monks - brilliant!
Posted on: 22 November 2013 by JamieWednesday
Posted on: 23 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
If my grandma knew how much I spent on her funeral she'd be spinning in her ditch.
Posted on: 23 November 2013 by Reginald Halliday
I have a Dalek egg timer. After four minutes it screams "eggs terminate... eggs terminate..."
Posted on: 23 November 2013 by TomK
Posted on: 24 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Since splitting up with my girlfriend, I've been feeling pretty lonely at times.
Last night it came to a head, lying naked and horny in bed I did something I haven't needed to do for quite a long time.
I rolled over and cuddled the wife.
Posted on: 24 November 2013 by Reginald Halliday
This girl told me that she wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth.
I pointed out that if I was the last person on Earth, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.
Posted on: 24 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 25 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I once went on a date with a girl who didn't swallow.
Soup everywhere.
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I'm a closet racist.
I bloody hate them all, cupboards, wardrobes, cabinets, especially those locker gits. Coming over here, hanging our clothes.
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by Mike1951
I get the impression that Tony Lockhart hates women.
That's not a joke, it's just an observation...
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Eh?
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Mike1951:
I get the impression that Tony Lockhart hates women.
That's not a joke, it's just an observation...
Well post it on the observation thread then. This one's jokes!
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by tonym
Originally Posted by Mike1951:
I get the impression that Tony Lockhart hates women.
That's not a joke, it's just an observation...
A very strange observation. Jokes aren't real, they're just...jokes. I mean, I could tell a mother-in-law joke but that doesn't mean...
OK, bad example.
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Who mentioned mother in-law??
Posted on: 27 November 2013 by tonym
A couple were Christmas shopping.
The shopping centre was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Posted on: 28 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 29 November 2013 by Tony Lockhart
After weeks of being nagged, I've finally started work on a treehouse for my kids.
Now I can rest until the acorn grows.
Posted on: 29 November 2013 by joerand
Very good, Tony,
Should your wife ever asks for pearls you can give her live oysters and tell her to tend to them .
