Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
http://metro.co.uk/2013/11/28/...est-friends-4206549/
Hi Tony, Pearl is lucky to a have a guy like you giving her jewellery.
Pearl Necklace is jewellery??? That's a new meaning for the term!
I'm unsure, because of the 'to' error, whether the subsequent pun was intended too.
G
tonym,
I like it! That one may have topped the pie chart 
I'm unsure, because of the 'to' error, whether the subsequent pun was intended too.
I doubt it too
Somebody with even fewer brian cells than me:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e11_1385919296
Might raise this at the next West Norfolk Phonographic Society meet Richard and Adam are welcome!
Tony
A farmer had just 10 cows from which he just about managed to make a living.
One winter morning he woke up to find that the weather had been so cold that all his cows were frozen solid. "Oh no!", cried the farmer "What am I going to do? How can I feed my family now? I'm ruined!".
Just then, a little old lady came into the field and seeing his distress, said "Don't worry, I can help you". She went round all the cows one by one, looked into their eyes, stroked their heads, tweaked their ears and blew warm breath up their noses. Gradually, one by one, they all came to. The farmer was really grateful and asked the little old lady how he could repay her, but she said "It's OK, I don't want anything. I'm just so happy that I was able to help". And with that she shuffled off into the distance.
The farmers' next door neighbour, who had been watching the proceedings with great interest, said to his friend "Do you know who that was?" The farmer said "No, isn't she just a kind old lady?". "No" said his neighbour. "That's Thora Hird!"
"Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?" the woman asked her husband.
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar note. He took the crumpled twenty dollar note from her, and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?" she then asked her husband.
"Uh, no, I haven't," he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar note. He took the crumpled fifty dollar note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way, " he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited).
...
...
...
"Well go and look in the garage," she said
Q. What's Nigella having for Christmas this year?
A. Cold turkey.
Q. What's Nigella having for Christmas this year?
A. Cold turkey.
With Coke???
Daley Thompson's turn for confessions now.
coincidentally, I opened the second door on my 'world sportsmen advent calendar' this morning and guess who came out
It's the easiest way to deflate her.
He only lasted about two seconds before unintentionally tea bagging himself.
Apparenlty, Poles are really outraged by the future influx of Hungarians and Romanians taking up their jobs here in the UK.
I was so angry, I made her breakfast in bed.
RICHARD
Would a collection be in order on this M/B ?
As 2013 comes to a close i feel we need to buy Mista Lockhart his 2014 joke book !!
Please donate as much as you can everyone.
Mista H