Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 26 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
When my wife found out that I was cheating on her, I couldn't say sorry fast enough.
So I said soz.
Posted on: 27 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Daily Mail online: "Every week it seems another Lotto winning couple splits."
That's me buying an extra ticket this Saturday.
Posted on: 27 December 2013 by Klout10
Posted on: 28 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I have a ton of old comics in my spare room.
I rent it out to Dawn French and Jo Brand.
Posted on: 29 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My wife has finally perfected her 'smouldering' look.
She was cremated yesterday.
Posted on: 30 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
I was driving home tonight, and a police car cut me up.
Honestly, I'd have pulled him over and given him a piece of my mind if I'd been sober.
Posted on: 31 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
Bloody Foreigner.
Coming over here, wanting to know what love is.
Posted on: 31 December 2013 by Richard Choong
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Bloody Foreigner.
Coming over here, wanting to know what love is.
LOL!
Posted on: 31 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
"I read that over a thousand people submitted their tax return forms on Christmas Day." my wife said to me.
"When did the spark disappear from our sex life?" I asked. Looking up. From between her legs.
Posted on: 31 December 2013 by Tony Lockhart
My iPhone keeps falling out of the 'Slade' cover I got for Christmas.
It's a shoddy holder.
Posted on: 02 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.......I will keep you posted.
Posted on: 02 January 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.......I will keep you posted.
The chicken laid the egg but the cock came first when he laid the chicken.
Posted on: 02 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Research shows one in three long-term unemployed people have contemplated suicide.
Compared with three in three long-term employed people.
Posted on: 03 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday
Whether morally, spiritually, intellectually or financially is not yet clear.
This is why we should welcome immigrants; they bring us wonderful words like 'schadenfreude'.
Posted on: 03 January 2014 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:
Whether morally, spiritually, intellectually or financially is not yet clear.
This is why we should welcome immigrants; they bring us wonderful words like 'schadenfreude'.
+1
steve
Posted on: 03 January 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by Paper Plane:
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:
Whether morally, spiritually, intellectually or financially is not yet clear.
steve
All four, I hope.
Watched the film Mississippi Burning the other evening. NG would have fitted in well with some of the locals.
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
With these terrible storms, I've been trying to think of a way of stopping the water entering the property. Can't come up with anything though.
Damn!
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by Salmon Dave
Originally Posted by MDS:
Originally Posted by Paper Plane:
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:
Whether morally, spiritually, intellectually or financially is not yet clear.
steve
All four, I hope.
Watched the film Mississippi Burning the other evening. NG would have fitted in well with some of the locals.
The BNP spokesperson said something along the lines of 'at least he's doing better than Michael Shumacher'. Nice people.
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by Paper Plane
The BNP spokesperson said something along the lines of 'at least he's doing better than Michael Shumacher'. Nice people.
About what I would expect from pond-life such as them...
steve
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I've a list. It contains the names of various people that, if I'm living alone and am diagnosed with a terminal disease, well, let's just say that whoever their spokesman is he'd better hope I live long and in the company of friends and family.
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I've a list. It contains the names of various people that, if I'm living alone and am diagnosed with a terminal disease, well, let's just say that whoever their spokesman is he'd better hope I live long and in the company of friends and family.
An idea for a separate thread perhaps, though our moderators might feel obliged to intervene.
Posted on: 04 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
You are, of course, correct on both points. And I certainly hope I'm never in a position where I consider that option.
As one that has probably offended more forum members than most, that statement by the spokesman truly makes my blood boil. I'm sure I can sit back and watch nature take its course.
Posted on: 05 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday
Murphy's Law: If can go wrong it will go wrong.
Coles Law: Shredded cabbage and carrots in mayonnaise.
Posted on: 05 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday
Thomas the Tank Engine - the crystal meth years
Posted on: 05 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
