Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 10 January 2014 by Steve J

Posted on: 10 January 2014 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
They say if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, they would eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare.

For now though, they've only managed The Daily Mail.

Excellent!

 

steve

Posted on: 11 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Thousand of Essex mothers are desperately trying to get hold of their daughters after the BBC announced "Sharon has died".
Posted on: 11 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I like to think of discussing hifi on internet forums as my main hobby, as I've been doing it for years. Then again, crying myself to sleep comes a close second.
Posted on: 11 January 2014 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I like to think of discussing hifi on internet forums as my main hobby, as I've been doing it for years. Then again, crying myself to sleep comes a close second.

Thats so sad Tony

Posted on: 11 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 11 January 2014 by Conortsun

I went to the optician's today and bumped into an old school-friend.

Posted on: 12 January 2014 by Gavin B

I went to the optician's today and bumped into an old school-friend.

 

I thought we were about to get the old favourite....

 

I went to the optician's today.  Guess who I bumped into.

 

Everyone.

Posted on: 12 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
My mate Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night.

"What did you get?" I asked.

"26 pictures." he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."

I said "Dude, these are from an estate agents."
Posted on: 12 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Dappy took an intelligence test.

It came back negative.
Posted on: 13 January 2014 by BigH47

All this January sale shopping lark is doing my head in. 

Went to Boots, they don't sell boots. 

Went to Currys, they don't sell curry.

Went to Selfridges, they don't sell fridges.

And that Virgin Megastore well what a feckin let down that was...

Posted on: 13 January 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by BigH47:

All this January sale shopping lark is doing my head in. 

Went to Boots, they don't sell boots. 

Went to Currys, they don't sell curry.

Went to Selfridges, they don't sell fridges.

And that Virgin Megastore well what a feckin let down that was...

 

Many years ago on rugby tour we played that as a game. I had the Orange shop, which don't sell oranges. Next up my mate had Boots. The third shop had the most beautiful assistant but my other mate wouldn't go in. It was The Body Shop. True story.

Posted on: 13 January 2014 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Dappy took an intelligence test.

It came back negative.

+1

 

steve

Posted on: 13 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
My son won a spelling competition at school.

The prize was a family weekend at Center Parcs.
Posted on: 14 January 2014 by joerand

I always thought the kid across the street was a loser.  The other day he told me he likes to smoke pot and take Adderall. That way he can focus on nothing.

Posted on: 14 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday

I wonder if the Pope gets bogus e-mails about his Papal account?

Posted on: 14 January 2014 by tonym
There are two types of people: Those who divide people into two types of people and those who don't.
Posted on: 14 January 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by tonym:
There are two types of people: Those who divide people into two types of people and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people in the World; those who understand binary and those that don't.

Posted on: 14 January 2014 by Tony Lockhart
There are only etc etc.

Those that are scared of clowns.



And clowns.
Posted on: 14 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday

My new Wombles pepper mill I got for Christmas is rubbish.
Everything is either under ground or over ground.

 

Some lowlifes broke into our village shop and stole all the Red Bull.
I don't know how they can sleep at night.

Posted on: 14 January 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:

My new Wombles pepper mill I got for Christmas is rubbish.
Everything is either under ground or over ground.

 

Christmas present??? They're Wombling free!

Posted on: 15 January 2014 by joerand

Due to budget cuts local prisons have had to eliminate conjugal visits. Guards shouldn't be too alarmed if they see inmates carving holes into prison walls. They probably aren't trying to escape.

Posted on: 15 January 2014 by tonym

Posted on: 15 January 2014 by joerand

Then there's the opposite camp ....

 

Posted on: 15 January 2014 by Reginald Halliday

I asked my wife what women really want. She replied "attentive lovers". Or it may have been "a tent of lovers". I wasn't really listening.