Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
What's a world of cheap booze drugs and pussy without guns?
A world in need of a comma, or two?
G
What's a world of cheap booze drugs and pussy without guns?
The Salvation Army?
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto
'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says
'What the f**k do you want?'
'Aha!' he says "Qantas!"
JRH.......see my post from 24hrs ago,same clip. But even better is the post i did 7 hours ago,its a lot better. A female in America going stark raving bonkers at a McDonalds drive thru...enjoy.
Mista H
You can't knock it for the price.
Another one worth checking out on Youtube is
Fishing with hand grenades
Mista H
A bloke bumped in to me the other day and said: "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said: "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said: "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."
I told the officer I was being stalked and he asked if I could tell him anything about the man.
I said, "Yes. He reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio."
I love my creature comforts.
Is François Hollande beginning to look like a Charles Schulz drawing of himself?
Of course we can - a pair of breasts is a great example.
What was Trigger's favourite TV channel?
Rodney.
Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they (and online translations) can.
A friend went to Beijing and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
My new Wombles pepper mill I got for Christmas is rubbish.
Everything is either under ground or over ground.
That really is quite special.
Then the maitre d' and then the head chef.
The Wombles gag is great: I love it too.
It was a very close race.
Tony,
Where did Mark finish?
For Christ's sake, I'm on the edge of my seat!
Tony,
Where did Mark finish?
For Christ's sake, I'm on the edge of my seat!
Very funny 
Tony,
Where did Mark finish?
For Christ's sake, I'm on the edge of my seat!
Pray tell us.......I'm getting cross now!
G
And that Virgin Megastore well what a feckin let down that was...
Reminds me of the days when St Hilda's and Somerville at Oxford, New Hall at Cambridge and St Mary's at Durham (then all-female institutions) were all separately nicknamed after that exact emporium. Happy days. I'm not sure whether the delightful young ladies at the first named institution preferred being called Hildebeests or not.
Mark
For Christ's sake, I'm on the edge of my seat!
Result from Thursday in Rio.
Zeus 1 Christ 0.
And that Virgin Megastore well what a feckin let down that was...
....the days when St Hilda's .... at Oxford,......I'm not sure whether the delightful young ladies ..... preferred being called Hildebeests or not.
Mark
They were still "Hildebeests" when I was at Oxford on 2006. They were good humoured about it, as I recall.
My wife used to go out with a Brazilian. Now she just let's it grow long and curly.
Apologies if this one was posted before.