Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 04 February 2014 by joerand
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
My blonde wife came home after going to the doctor's today. She told me that the man was very nice and even gave her a free prostate exam.
Did he check her throat? I can only imagine what he used for a tongue depressor.
Posted on: 05 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I just bought a new mouse pad.
You can fit a hamster in it as well.
Posted on: 05 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
When I was young, there was no access to looking at sex and violence like there is today.
We had to go out and make our own.
Posted on: 06 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I don't like to plan my day.
Otherwise, the word "premeditated" keeps cropping up.
Posted on: 07 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I really don't know why the athletes are surprised at the poor living conditions in Sochi.
You ban gays from your town and interior design is going to suffer.
Posted on: 07 February 2014 by JamieWednesday
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
My dog Minton just ate my shuttlecock.
Bad Minton.
Has not received the praise due I feel.
Posted on: 07 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I don't require praise, as all I do is cherry pick jokes from various sources. Most I can't post, as the ex-forces guys I work with don't hold back on the sick/sexist/racist/etc subjects
Posted on: 07 February 2014 by George J
The Angel of Death decided to take up music, and bought himself a drum kit, so he could join a Heavy Metal Band.
Grim reaper-cussions resulted.
ATB from George
Posted on: 08 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
The people of the Somerset Levels are actually happy about the recent floods. It's given them a perfect opportunity to try out their webbed hands and feet.
Posted on: 08 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 08 February 2014 by Conortsun
Posted on: 09 February 2014 by Paper Plane
Whilst the Simon character may be a bit of a whiner, David Thorne sounds like a complete kn*bh**d.
steve
Posted on: 09 February 2014 by Conortsun
I must say the 'horse whisperer' gag shows a lot of style.
Posted on: 09 February 2014 by JamieWednesday
We used to do that back in the day when the firm I worked for first had business cards. It was a waste of time and money, not to say juvenile and unprofessional but quite funny sneaking 'Ninja' on to Mr Robson's business cards...
Posted on: 09 February 2014 by Kevin-W
Posted on: 09 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 10 February 2014 by rodwsmith
I just invented a new word: plagiarism
Posted on: 10 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
A Roman walks into a bar and says "May I have a Martinus?"
The Bartender says "Do you mean a Martini?"
The Roman replies "If I had wanted a double, I would've asked for one."
Posted on: 11 February 2014 by tonym
The EU have have just agreed that asparagus from Northern France can be re-branded as Brittany Spears.
Posted on: 11 February 2014 by Jan-Erik Nordoen
Originally Posted by rodwsmith:
I just invented a new word: plagiarism
Clever!
and long live cryptomnesia
Posted on: 12 February 2014 by Jan-Erik Nordoen
I'm writing to report that yesterday's safety inspection of our nuclear power plant went well.
Posted on: 12 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
In some parts of the country, the water is now up to three feet.
That must be Kings Lynn then?
Posted on: 12 February 2014 by jjbomber
A young girl walks into a supermarket. on the way round she notices the guy she'd spent the previous evening with, busy stacking shelves with washing powder.. ''You lying bastard'', she yells at him, ''you told me you were in the Red Arrows''
''No'', he replies, ''I told you I was a member of an Ariel display team!''.
Posted on: 12 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I've been trying to keep fit since being stranded in my house.
Today, I managed to swim 50 lengths of my living room.
Posted on: 13 February 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...
Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.
