Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 12 March 2014 by George J

Pistorius is a nutter, and that's a fact ...

Posted on: 12 March 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by George J:

Pistorius is a nutter, and that's a fact ...

 

Alan Pardew is a nutter .... just ask Hull.

Posted on: 12 March 2014 by George J

Posted on: 12 March 2014 by Tony2011
Posted on: 12 March 2014 by George J

I think i did, and some people have a nut allergy!

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 12 March 2014 by Tony2011
If only he rode a Carlton!
Posted on: 12 March 2014 by Reginald Halliday

When I'm depressed I stick a game cartridge up my bum, wire myself to the TV and play with my joystick. It consoles me.

 

Only managed silver at the World Anger Management Championship. I was outraged.

 

I haven’t the heart to tick all the boxes on the organ donor card. 

 

 

My little Spanish nephew is ever so rude. He never says please. That's poor for four.

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by mista h

Some people are like clouds in the sky..........................when they fcuk off it becomes a nice day !!

 

Mista h

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by mista h

Photo: hahaaaaaaaaaaa !! Nothing seems certain ..

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by tonym
I am therefore I think.

Talk about putting Decartes before the horse...
 
Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by tonym:
I am therefore I think.

Talk about putting Decartes before the horse...
 

Awesome.

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by Reginald Halliday:

When I'm depressed I stick a game cartridge up my bum, wire myself to the TV and play with my joystick. It consoles me.

 

Only managed silver at the World Anger Management Championship. I was outraged.

 

I haven’t the heart to tick all the boxes on the organ donor card. 

 

 

My little Spanish nephew is ever so rude. He never says please. That's poor for four.

As good as ever Mr Halliday. Keep 'em coming.

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by tonym

I've just started taking Viagra, of the 007 variety.
It makes me Roger Moore.



Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Reginald Halliday

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I 'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
 

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by George J
Originally Posted by George J:

I think i did, and some people have a nut allergy!

 

ATB from George

Okay this is a good joke on an awful day! Or just a bad joke perhaps!!!!!!

 

"What kind of balls does a gingerbread man have?"

 

"Ginger nuts of course!"

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by George J
Originally Posted by Tony2011:
If only he rode a Carlton!

New pictures arriving soon Tony!

 

She aid a real babe now, but not a babe as most Carltons are. Looks something like a Raleigh supreme [gents City-bike from the 1950s, but goes like a rocket still and handles even better as an upright. You don't steer, you just look and the bike follows. 

 

I doubt the Marxes rode bikes really!

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Police have shut the A66 dual carriageway at Middlesborough while they search for a severed penis.

There's always some knob on the road at rush hour.
Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Conortsun
A team searching for the missing Malaysian plane have found the Wings...

Unfortunately, Mr and Mrs Wing said they have no idea where the plane is.
Posted on: 13 March 2014 by Tony Lockhart
"Why the hell are you staring at my head?" asked some guy in the pub last night.

I said "I'm checking out the hair."

"But, I'm completely bald." he replied.

I said "I'm talking about mine."
Posted on: 13 March 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by George J:
Originally Posted by George J:

I think i did, and some people have a nut allergy!

 

ATB from George

Okay this is a good joke on an awful day! Or just a bad joke perhaps!!!!!!

 

"What kind of balls does a gingerbread man have?"

 

"Ginger nuts of course!"

 

ATB from George

I feel obliged to reciprocate, George:

 

How do squirrels keep their nuts dry?

 

They swim on their backs.

 

[Yes, I know]

Posted on: 14 March 2014 by mista h

Am i still drunk from last nite.....or is that building twisted !!

Posted on: 14 March 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by mista h:

Am i still drunk from last nite.....or is that building twisted !!

 

The building is straight; your mind is twisted! Actually the building is in Dubai, where they have more alcoholics per head than anywhere else in the World. 

Posted on: 14 March 2014 by Tony Lockhart
First Bob Crow dies, then Tony Benn.




Typical socialists- one out, all out.
Posted on: 14 March 2014 by Reginald Halliday
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
First Bob Crow dies, then Tony Benn.




Typical socialists- one out, all out.

Arthur Scargill must be crapping himself.

Posted on: 14 March 2014 by mista h
Originally Posted by jjbomber:
Originally Posted by mista h:

Am i still drunk from last nite.....or is that building twisted !!

 Dubai, where they have more alcoholics per head than anywhere else in the World. 

Think i will send SWMBO to dubai then,where she will fit strait in !!

Mista H