Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
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A vicar with style.
Dont know the Naim of the pub but makes a change.
A woman that's learnt how to catch.
A woman that's learnt how to catch.
The way pricey is banging out kids an assistant would be better.
Mista H
Am i the only one on this M/B that gets posts come back `not approved` or are others bad boys also.
I will now sit back and await all sad remarks coming my way,which no doubt i deserve.
Mista h
... and an organist says "Mmmm, yoghurt"
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> The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.'
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> The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.
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> His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
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> After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?'
>
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> The Aussie said 'One!'
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> The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
>
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> How much was the sale for?'
> '£124,237.64p.'
>
> The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?'
>
> 'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.'
>
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> 'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.'
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>
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> 'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4
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> The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?'
>
> 'No, no, no... He came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend
And I said...
'Well, since your weekend's buggered mate, you might as well go fishing.
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
'Feels great', he replied; 'but I still think my thumb's broken'!
Who says Anson County bikers aren't compassionate, tolerant, and understanding? Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge . So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive", George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either, so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval rom his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." It's still unclear whether (s)he jumped or was pushed. |
Hmm...Now I know why Naca 05 is such a hugh succes in India.
Another one,hope it annoys a few people.
If you've ever worked for a boss who
reacts before getting the facts
and thinking things through, you will love this........
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time
for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined
to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO
noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to
let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money
do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at
him and said, "I make £150 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back
in two minutes, and handed the guy £600
in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.
Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO
looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone
want to tell me what that dead-leg did here?"
From across the room a voice said,
"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
--
Work harder millions on benefits depend on your taxes
“Foreign aid is taking money from the poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.”
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
Disappointed with the news that Naim has no plans to move to China as I was looking forward to a factory visit and do some sightseeing at the same time. Oh, well.
Another one,hope it annoys a few people.
If you've ever worked for a boss who
reacts before getting the facts
and thinking things through, you will love this........
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time
for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined
to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO
noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to
let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money
do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at
him and said, "I make £150 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back
in two minutes, and handed the guy £600
in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.
Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO
looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone
want to tell me what that dead-leg did here?"
From across the room a voice said,
"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Why did you feel the need to attribute this old joke to Arcelor Mittal?
A chemist walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'd like a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate please."
The barman replies "Certainly sir, that'll be 80p"
The police are said to be using a "slowly slowly" approach.
Funny and unoffensive, well done!
A chemist walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'd like a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate please."
The barman replies "Certainly sir, that'll be 80p"
Oh dear. It took me a couple of mins to get that one. Must study harder.
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'