Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
"Ok." she replied, "But only if you do it for me."
"How bloody lazy is that?" I said, "If I could reach, then I would!"
"Ok." she replied, "But only if you do it for me."
"How bloody lazy is that?" I said, "If I could reach, then I would!"
The great Bill Hicks. The joke would then continue....
Imagine if men were able to do that. You women would be sitting in the audience on your own. Men would never go out, so you'd be sitting on your own .... looking at an empty stage. Brilliant.
Gandeep Undawata is confident he can help.
BMW is known as the clitoris car, as every c^^^ has got one. I guess this proves it.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
As a Beemer driver and a veggie, I'm considering leaving the forum.....
In an attempt to quit boxing for good
After 20 years service, my dad got sacked from his job at the roadworks for stealing. At first I didn't believe it, but when I got home all the signs were there.
At survey has shown that 83% of men don't know how to turn on the dishwasher. I find that sucking her nipples and a gentle fingering works best.
My girlfriend told me not to worry as a small penis won't spoil our relationship. She may be right, but I'd rather it if she didn't have one at all.
On average, British couples have sex two to three times a week, whereas Japanese couples have sex only one to three times a month
This is upsetting news as i had no idea i was Japanese.
At breakfast, the husband says to his wife "What would you do if I won the Lotto?"
"I'd take half and leave you." she says.
"Great" he says.
" I won £12 yesterday. Here's £6. Stay in touch".
Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty. So when I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, and never once saw her in it.
She just reached a semi.
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
Or at least I imagine that's what she and her hot roommate talk about in the shower.
Well, that's proof that racism can be a good thing.
The Communist version of Grammar Nazi is Punctuation Marx .
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat." | |
Every time someone comes in and buys a set of drums their neighbour comes in the next day and buys a gun.
A skeleton walks into the bar, and asks for a pint and a mop.