Best Jokes (continues)

All of these are legitimate companies, who didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear!

These are not made up. Check them out yourself!..

1.   'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their website is:  
www.whorepresents.com

2. 'Experts exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look 
no further than ' Pen Island '.
It can be found at:
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist?

Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator'company.

Check it out at:
www.powergenitalia.com

6. 'IP computer' software can be found at:
www.ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art'
await you at their wacky website: 
www.speedofart.com

Genuine complaints to Thomas Cook Holidays. I may have posted these a while back,if i have i`m sure megadeath will let us know.

From Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some guests' complaints during the season.


1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

5. A tourist at a top African game lodge over looking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

7. "The beach was too sandy."

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

11. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

12.. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

13. "There was no egg slicer in the apartment..."

14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish..."

15. "The roads were uneven.."

16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying there?"

19. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad'"

20. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

22. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

23. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." 


They walk amongst us and they vote!!!
Be afraid! Be very afraid!

....or into a bl**dy great big pole in the middle of the cycle lane!

The England soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. 'It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces and no hope,' said Jose, aged 6. 

Just had a phone call from some weirdo offering to look into my pee-pee eye. What's the world coming to?

Yesterday at work our lab girl told me I needed a hair cut! I agreed.

Steve asked which one?[!]

I said that I'd have my nasal hair cut! And the ones growing out of my ears!

How we laughed... !

Just off to the barber's now!

ATB from George

But we did go on to win that 'game', I seem to remember 

Amazing how quickly Sickipedia gets updated isn't it Tony?

Tony,

I thought it was Christmas day 1914 not 1917.

Ken

This was the second leg.

I thought the second leg was about 25 years or so later. 

England have announced their new captain for next week. He is Capt Roger Smith he's the pilot for the flight home

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. 
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." 
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. 
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" 
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." 
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" 
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."

I only joined Liars Anonymous this morning.
And they've already made me president.

What is the name of the chief of the Chinese branch of the Cats Protection League?

Chairman Meow!

ATB from George

I listened to two Sibelius Symphonies during the match and consulted the Forum for reports afterwards. Much more entertaining!

ATB from George