Best Jokes (continues)

Oh. So your post was meant as a joke then. My mistake.

Clue: it's the Jokes forum....

I thought it was a good joke, I've no idea if any Liverpool fans are moaning though. I supported England this World Cup so I should know a thing or two about jokes.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.

Of Corsican

You're Sardinia?

G

Dont be Scilly.

Jason.

Rolf Harris has just been found guilty, which proves he can't paint over everything.

Can you tell what it is yet?  Yup we sure can Rolf.

He should never have made that cover of 'Stairway to Heaven', he should of gone down for that.

<tt>A seven year old boy was
at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court
ruling
over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten
by his parents and the judge initially
awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and
regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more
than
his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge
suggested
that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat
him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the
unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of
him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare
officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team,
whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
anyone.</tt>

Did you know that candle flame smells like burnt nose hair.

DOH!  That tickled me.  Not the candle - the joke.

According to Julie Andrews, there's a note before la. Say it isn't so.

An Illinois man left the cold streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

You can trust engineers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...amp;feature=youtu.be

I got so shitfaced last night that apparently, so the wife tells me, I promised to take her away for a weekend break in Vienna.

This means nothing to me...

Oh dear!  I bought the album on the strength of that song and the rest was rubbish.  Don't tell anyone please.

Ah, Ultravox. Now I get the joke....

Your secret is safe with me, and Joe Dolce.