Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 31 July 2014 by garyi

By 'near the knuckle' i presume you mean racist in the extreme?

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by Jonn

Racists jokes have no place on this or any other forum. I've asked the mods to delete them.

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by Jonn

Nothing to do with political correctness Frank. "Jokes" about putting bombs in Mosques cannot be considered appropriate any way you look at it and the others just perpetuate negative racial stereotypes.

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by Tony2011

"You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal ****ing high on drugs. The Beatles were so ****ing high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Jonn:

Racists jokes have no place on this or any other forum. I've asked the mods to delete them.

 

I hope you will go to the South Wales - Attractions thread and report the racist jokes there too. After all, we wouldn't want people thinking you were a hypocrite would we.

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by garyi:

By 'near the knuckle' i presume you mean racist in the extreme?

racist in the Extremist surely? 

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by ewemon

I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial-a-lama.

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by ewemon

Since some people were offended by the joke re the bomb I chose to delete it not the Mods.

 

 

 

Posted on: 31 July 2014 by ewemon
Originally Posted by Jonn:

Nothing to do with political correctness Frank. "Jokes" about putting bombs in Mosques cannot be considered appropriate any way you look at it and the others just perpetuate negative racial stereotypes.

Point taken however should I complain about stereotypical jokes about Scots being drunk etc or the usual joke that insinunates that the Irish are supposedly stupid?

 

 

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Jonn
Originally Posted by ewemon:
Originally Posted by Jonn:

Nothing to do with political correctness Frank. "Jokes" about putting bombs in Mosques cannot be considered appropriate any way you look at it and the others just perpetuate negative racial stereotypes.

Point taken however should I complain about stereotypical jokes about Scots being drunk etc or the usual joke that insinunates that the Irish are supposedly stupid?

 

 

Interesting point. I suppose it depends on the impact that racial stereotyping has on the group as a whole.

For example black people are six times more likely than white to be stopped and searched by the police. However of those stopped just 9% are arrested. So do jokes that imply all black peoples are criminals perpetuate a stereotype that has a negative impact on the majority of black people not involved in crime?

There has been some research that found that Irish people in England do feel that negative stereotypes have had an effect on their employment prospects and they way they are treated generally.

So while jokes that reinforce these racial stereotypes may be fairly innocuous in themselves there are cumulative effects.

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by mista h

Just found this in a Boat mag(someones pride & joy)

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by mista h

Richard is king as far as deciding what goes on this forum and what gets removed.

 

Several topics not just in the `Best Jokes` section i find as boring as hell and by this i mean in all sections of the entire M/B,but i dont go moaning on about it, i just move on and read/post on items that i find of interest.

 

Mista h

 

PS....Any chance we can get Richard replaced with a 30 year old sexy looking Blonde?

 

PPS....Only joking,we all loves you really

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by mista h
Originally Posted by Steve J:

You've taken over Mista H's mantel on this thread. A few are a bit near the knuckle. 

Steve

I get stacks of e mails every day,the vast majority i dont even think of posting on this M/B as i know they would not get past Richard. Then there are an awful lot that i think are Supa clean and even they dont get thru. Plus i dont want to upset the moaners that read this topic.

 

I vote we rename this section the TONY LOCKHART show.........any objections !!

 

Mista h

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Tony2011:

"You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal ****ing high on drugs. The Beatles were so ****ing high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."

...and play the drums.

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Klout10
Originally Posted by mista h:

I vote we rename this section the TONY LOCKHART show.........any objections !!

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Tony Lockhart
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Tony Lockhart
For anyone unclear with who Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are here is a brief description.

Orlando Bloom is a 37 year old English actor best known for his roles in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and Pirates Of The Caribbean. He also had roles in the award wining films 'Black Hawk Down', 'Troy' and 'Kingdom of Heaven'

And Justin Bieber is a c***.
Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
For anyone unclear with who Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are here is a brief description.

Orlando Bloom is a 37 year old English actor best known for his roles in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and Pirates Of The Caribbean. He also had roles in the award wining films 'Black Hawk Down', 'Troy' and 'Kingdom of Heaven'

And Justin Bieber is a c***.

A similar comparison was made between W A Mozart and Andrew Lloyd-Weber.

 

"Mozart was a little composer who farted a lot, Lloyd-Weber composed a lot."

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by Paper Plane

At least with Rolf Harris banged up we'll never have to listen him murder Stairway To Heaven again...

 

steve

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by George J

Rolf was judged in a real Law Court, Till he manages an appeal, he is guilty.

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by George J
Originally Posted by Big Bill:
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
For anyone unclear with who Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are here is a brief description.

Orlando Bloom is a 37 year old English actor best known for his roles in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and Pirates Of The Caribbean. He also had roles in the award wining films 'Black Hawk Down', 'Troy' and 'Kingdom of Heaven'

And Justin Bieber is a c***.

A similar comparison was made between W A Mozart and Andrew Lloyd-Weber.

 

"Mozart was a little composer who farted a lot, Lloyd-Weber composed a lot."

Mozart composed a lot. Only Bach  and Haydn composed more ...

Posted on: 01 August 2014 by tonym
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

You know how you always wait ages for a bus, then three turn up one after another?

That's the Universal Serial Bus

Posted on: 02 August 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I experienced an embarrassing incident at a family barbecue last week. I was sat in the garden enjoying the sunshine with my mum and dad when 2 pigeons landed nearby. All of a sudden one of them jumped on top of the other and they started shagging on the picnic table.

Even the pigeons didn't know which way to look.
Posted on: 02 August 2014 by Derek Wright

and it was said that about 50 years ago deceased IBM execs were buried face down leading edge forward.

Posted on: 02 August 2014 by mista h

Not for me this,but some of you might find this interesting.

UP
Be sure to Read until the end... you'll laugh.

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?


At a meeting, why does a topic comeUP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UPfor election and why is itUP to the secretary to write UP a report? We callUP our friends, brightenUP a room, polish UP the silver, warmUP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fixUP the old car. 


At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses.


To be dressed is one thing but to be dressedUP is special. 

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses ofUP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. 


If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UPa lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is cloudingUP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks itUP . When it does not rain for awhile, things dryUP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!

Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

U
   P!

Did that one crack you UP?

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it'sUP to you.