Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
The Padded Cell.
Tony
Ha Ha! Like it.
The Padded Cell.
It makes for a great funeral. Instead of unhappy people crying, all the people who despise you will be happy and filled with joy. Imagine the laughter rocking the church. This has to be the way forward; just go to funerals of people you hate. Guaranteed a good day out.
It also explains why there were so many at Jimmy Savile's funeral.......
So that I am on the same page we are talking about InUrFacebook, ****ter and Linkedout to name but a few anti-social networks.
I was sitting with the computer the other day drafting my will and I called out to my wife,
"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, LOVE!"
SHE SHOUTED BACK "YOU ALREADY DO, YOU LAZY BASTARD!!”
Yeah, in all seriousness, it is one of the most infuritaing pieces of industrial design in recent memory. Looks like it can go either way up, but can't. What the hell were they thinking?
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Yeah, in all seriousness, it is one of the most infuritaing pieces of industrial design in recent memory. Looks like it can go either way up, but can't. What the hell were they thinking?
And the iPad one is the most infuriating because the bit you plug into the computer is smooth and this makes it very difficult to pull out. Another victory of 'cool' over usability.
If USB weren't so dang useful I would bin the lot.
"It's over there." said the Librarian, "In the hard back section."
Yeah, in all seriousness, it is one of the most infuritaing pieces of industrial design in recent memory. Looks like it can go either way up, but can't. What the hell were they thinking?
And the iPad one is the most infuriating because the bit you plug into the computer is smooth and this makes it very difficult to pull out. Another victory of 'cool' over usability.
If USB weren't so dang useful I would bin the lot.
The iPad doesn't have a USB connection. I don't have any bother with the Lightening connect.
Only 1 of my iPhone cable has the latches and I always forget to "squeeze" to release them.
As an another aside how does an iPad know it's not an official Apple cable plugged into it?
The Chairman called a meeting of the Board Of Directors. One by one they were called in for questioning until only the junior and newest director was left waiting nervously outside. Finally it was his turn and he entered anxiously. The chairman and other directors were sitting looking very glum faced. He knew this was bad news.
The Chairman began the questioning. ''Tell me honestly, have you been sleeping with my secretary?''
''No Sir, never''
''Are you absolutely sure?'' the Chairman continues.
''100% sure'', the young man replied, ''I haven't laid a finger on her''
''Do you swear on your Mother's life that you haven't been sleeping with my secretary?''
''I swear I have not touched a hair on her body''.
''That's good'', says the Chairman. ''You can be the one to fire her''.
Only 1 of my iPhone cable has the latches and I always forget to "squeeze" to release them.
As an another aside how does an iPad know it's not an official Apple cable plugged into it?
I think there's a chip in the cable.
TOP 20 ZEN TEACHINGS
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably money well spent.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you needed it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Yeah, in all seriousness, it is one of the most infuritaing pieces of industrial design in recent memory. Looks like it can go either way up, but can't. What the hell were they thinking?
And the iPad one is the most infuriating because the bit you plug into the computer is smooth and this makes it very difficult to pull out. Another victory of 'cool' over usability.
If USB weren't so dang useful I would bin the lot.
The iPad doesn't have a USB connection. I don't have any bother with the Lightening connect.
Well if I plug my iPad into a USB connection on my PC then I can see things like photos and stuff on my iPad, so I call it a USB connection. Not only that my PC recognises it as USB3 connection. My PC also charges it when it is connected.
Not being an Apple fanboy, I only bought the thing to drive my UnitiLite, I don't know what it calls things and to be honest I don't really care. An Android device would have been better value for money but NAIM can't be bothered to write the software.
But whatever the thing is called then the USB plug is one of the worse pieces of design I have ever seen, especially for someone like me with big hands. My fingers just slide over the damn thing.
When I was at school I always prayed before my trigonometry tests.
I was hoping for a sine from above.
...and a very good evening to you too.
Tony - I liked your joke - I was commenting on another, now deleted, thank goodness. I'll remove my post and all will be well.
It's too late Nigel. I know you all hate me (sob)...
That's ok, cos I was confused too.
Just cos...
It's too late Nigel. I know you all hate me (sob)...
Well Tony, I really like you but LOVE your wife's homemade soup and buns ! 
ATB Peter
It's too late Nigel. I know you all hate me (sob)...
That's because your stereo is bigger than mine. I've got penis envy.
Two cats, swimming the channel.
An English cat, called one, two, three.
A French cat, called Un, de, trois.
which cat got there first?
The English cat, because Un, de, trois, cat sank.