Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by mista h
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Richard Dane
Originally Posted by mista h:
Just been sent this,trying to work out the location !!
Whitehall. It's George, The Duke Of Cambridge (The statue, not the naked man sat rather uncomfortably on top).
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by mista h
In the news today Barrow-in- Furness has been declared the most miserable town in the Uk to live in.
All i can say is that if its worse than Middlesbro its must be a right old dump.
Mista h
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by mista h:
Brilliant! 
steve
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I said to my mate "What do you call that guy with the crisps on his head?"
He said "I don't know who you are talking about."
I said "You know the one I mean, Wotsitsface."
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I said to my mate "What do you call that guy with the crisps on his head?"
He said "I don't know who you are talking about."
I said "You know the one I mean, Wotsitsface."
That's nearly as lame as "what do you call a guy with leaves on his head? .......Russell" 
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
She was only the batsman's daughter, but she liked a full toss in the crease.
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
She was only the batsman's daughter, but she liked a full toss in the crease.
Now that's more like it, Tony.
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Steve2
She was only the Optician's daughter but her frame was a sight for sore eyes.......
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by mista h
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Aussie said: That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, y'know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains." |
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Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
She was only the carpenter's daughter, but she appreciated a good tongue in groove.
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
After being shown a chihuahua in a hat, a Yorkie in a poncho and a Labrador wearing a jumper, I made my excuses and left.
It was clear we had very different ideas about 'going back to her place for some doggy-fashion'.
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I went to the pet shop to buy some breeding birds.
The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?"
I said, "No but I did get a budgie excited once."
Posted on: 11 October 2014 by MarkJH
I called into the pet shop today. "I'd like some wasps please" I said to the store assistant. "I'm sorry we don't deal in wasps sir." He responded. "But you have some in the window"
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by johnG
Not recommended for your new stylus...
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by mista h:
Just been sent these........and they are dreadful.
Was that the Tim Vine joke book?
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by Conortsun
Having just returned from a business trip to Africa I can't seem to stop myself from buying raffle tickets.
I'm worried I've contracted tombola.
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by mista h
UKIP leader Nick Farage was bundled into a police van in Edinburgh yesterday, shortly after arriving at a pub.
Nice to see a politician observing the local customs.
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by hungryhalibut
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Nick Nick?
Posted on: 12 October 2014 by mista h
Originally Posted by Hungryhalibut:
Well spotted,you should have been`the proof reader` on Arrys book that i`m half way thru,typos by the bucketload.
Mista h
Posted on: 13 October 2014 by tonym
Posted on: 14 October 2014 by tonym
Posted on: 14 October 2014 by MDS
Originally Posted by tonym:
Actually the headline from the article below the highlighted one is pretty funny too, Tony.
