Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
To prove it wasn't a chicken.
To see where it's bean?
G
To prove it wasn't a chicken.
Because it curd? Or it had lost its whey?
. 
Up the Irons!
To prove it wasn't a chicken.
Because it curd? Or it had lost its whey?
To avoid meeting the chicken?....(groan, that's enough - Ed.)
G
My wife says I'm a typical tight-fisted Scotsman
So to prove her wrong I took her out for tea and biscuits.
It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.
My wife says I'm a typical tight-fisted Scotsman
So to prove her wrong I took her out for tea and biscuits.
It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.
Nicely done. Put a smile on my face.
Richard
I have tried sending you a reply to your private e mail address but its come back as Failed,so i have cut and pasted it below.
Alan
Hello Richard
I guess it'll take another read before this sinks in.
Short-sighted bastards.
A bloke takes his bike to the local bike shop for a puncture repair.
On the way home he stumbles into an armed bank robbery, gets involved, arrested and (to give a shaggy dog a haircut) sent down for 10 years.
He gets out after 6 and finds his house sold, his wife has divorced him, his kids have disowned him and without a friend in the world.
In the pocket of his jacket he finds the repair ticket from the LBS and wonders if his bike might still be there. With his bike he will be mobile and can begin again to make his way in life.
He goes down to the LBS and asks the assistant if he can trace the repair ticket.
'Oh yes! Came in for a rear wheel puncture, didn't it?'
'That's right.'
'Should be ready by Tuesday!'
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked,
'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth today' the old man answered.
Third Reich engineer: "Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."
Hitler: "Mine less then"
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER."
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Just to show her how it's bloody done.
So I dropped a bowling ball on her foot.
So I dropped a bowling ball on her foot.
You're gonna burn in hell!
Was that clip CLASSIC or was it CLASSIC? Just brilliant.
I saw 'Life of Brian' for the first time in New York (before a UK release would you believe!) and the septics laughed at all the wrong bits and missed just about all the more subtle (ish) stuff. To cap it all I nearly got into a fight with the bloke sat next to me.
Wot a Nite!
I did my last two years of school at a Catholic establishment with a number of monks on the staff. My English teacher told us that when he went to see Life of Brian on it's first release, there was a particularly rowdy group of laughers a couple of rows behind him. When the lights went up, he saw that the rowdy guffawing had been coming from... Six of the school's monks, who had gone to see the film en masse and clearly enjoyed it thoroughly.
Mark
I did my last two years of school at a Catholic establishment with a number of monks on the staff. My English teacher told us that when he went to see Life of Brian on it's first release, there was a particularly rowdy group of laughers a couple of rows behind him. When the lights went up, he saw that the rowdy guffawing had been coming from... Six of the school's monks, who had gone to see the film en masse and clearly enjoyed it thoroughly.
Mark
He's not the son of God, he's a naughty naughty boy!
Jon Venables.
David Hasslehoff walks into a bar. The barman shouts over, "Hey you're David Hasslehoff!"
David replies, "Yeah I sure am, but I prefer to be called The Hoff."
The barman says, "Sure, no hassle."
Little red riding hood is walking through the forest when she comes across a little man hunched over sitting on a tree stump.
"Hello are you a goblin" she said . he replied - "No it's just the way I like to sit"
Little red riding hood is walking through the forest when she comes across a little man hunched over sitting on a tree stump.
"Hello are you a goblin" she said . he replied - "No it's just the way I like to sit"
Don't normally use that word for the said sex act any more these days - takes me back a bit!