Just tried to download the new band aid song to help with the ebola crisis but my anti virus software won't allow me.
Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 20 November 2014 by tonym
Posted on: 20 November 2014 by Sniper
Posted on: 20 November 2014 by Big Bill
Wouldn't it have been nice if Francois Couperin's parents had of named him Tommy!
Posted on: 20 November 2014 by Clive B
Originally Posted by Conortsun:
BREAKING NEWS! After detecting organic matter on Comet 67P, the Philae lander has also found Tesco Value matter at the cheaper end of the landing site
And soon, no doubt, Tesco carrier bags, MacDonalds food containers and Coca Cola cans.
Posted on: 21 November 2014 by Big Bill
Nobody ever thinks of those poor people who were at Wimbledon trying to watch the tennis but couldn't because the rain was persisting down. Not only did they have to contend with the rain but they also had to put up with Cliff Richard singing to them.
Life can be tough at times.
Posted on: 21 November 2014 by rodwsmith
Q. What was Dean Martin's favourite type of eel?
A. That's a moray.
Posted on: 21 November 2014 by Richard S
@TwopTwips: SAVE money on costly skydiving bills by simply zooming in on Google Maps when blowdrying your hair.
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by rodwsmith:
Q. What was Dean Martin's favourite type of eel?
A. That's a moray.
Daft I know, but that made me 'LOL' this morning, thanks!
G
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
"Put your hand in its crack, and you won't get it back, thaaat's a moray."
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by Marcopolovitch
A duck goes to the disco but refuses to dance. The dog asks him, "Why don't you dance?" The duck replies, "I don't want to get down on the dance floor".
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Marcopolovitch:
A duck goes to the disco but refuses to dance. The dog asks him, "Why don't you dance?" The duck replies, "I don't want to get down on the dance floor".
lol lol lol lol!
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
"Can we have 'Punctuation Sex' tonight?" I asked the wife.
"What do you mean, 'Punctuation Sex?" she replied.
"It's where I put my semi in your colon ..."
"What do you mean, 'Punctuation Sex?" she replied.
"It's where I put my semi in your colon ..."
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by rodwsmith:
Q. What was Dean Martin's favourite type of eel?
A. That's a moray.
Ya know I looked at this joke and just didn't get it. So I yelled it out t'missus and of couse once you say "That's a moray" you immediately get it. CRACKER!
Posted on: 22 November 2014 by rodwsmith
I can't take credit alas, it was on the Popbitch weekly mailer. Made me smile though. Nicely harmless.
Posted on: 23 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Fool your neighbours into thinking you're an internet porn addict by having lots of noisy sex with your wife.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Bob Geldof has urged people who bought Band Aid 30 to delete it and download it again.
Well I'm halfway there already.
Well I'm halfway there already.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Bananahead
What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpee?
I wouldnt pay £100 to have a lentil on my face.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Salmon Dave
That joke lost a little in the misspelling.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by sjbabbey
Originally Posted by Salmon Dave:
That joke lost a little in the misspelling.
Don't you mean Misspeelling ?
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Bananahead
Originally Posted by sjbabbey:
Originally Posted by Salmon Dave:
That joke lost a little in the misspelling.
Don't you mean Misspeelling ?
I think it's peadantry.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by rodwsmith
It's just a wee mistake that urine a strop about.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by GraemeH
Face it - you're taking the pi$$.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Tony Lockhart
I still don't get how when I ask a random man what kind of underwear he wears he'll either tell me boxers or briefs.
But if I ask a random woman what kind of knickers she's wearing I get a slap across the face
..from my wife.
But if I ask a random woman what kind of knickers she's wearing I get a slap across the face
..from my wife.
Posted on: 24 November 2014 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I still don't get how when I ask a random man what kind of underwear he wears he'll either tell me boxers or briefs.
But if I ask a random woman what kind of knickers she's wearing I get a slap across the face
..from my wife.
But if I ask a random woman what kind of knickers she's wearing I get a slap across the face
..from my wife.
Tony that is odd, 'cos when I asked your missus what knickers she had on she just gave me a smile. 
Only kidding.