Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
I bought some shoes from my drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.
Sony pictures have announced that the next James Bond film will be called Spectre and will be released worldwide on 23rd October 2015. For those who can't wait that long, North Korea will have the hacked download available from mid July.
"Oh no, the whole finger?" she asked.
"No, no..." I replied, "the one next to it."
Have heard of the new young owl comedian?
He is a real hoot.
[copyright, 2014, GeorgeJ, sorry about that].
ATB from George
And we WOULD NOT walk 500 more.
~The Disclaimers.
One makes members of the public feel uncomfortable and should be made to sit in a corner,
the other should be allowed to get her tits out whenever she likes.
I'll drink to that!
"Maybe I'm not a vampire after all," I reflected.
I thought I saw some Star Wars chocolate bars when I was in the supermarket earlier. Turns out it was just a Galaxy far, far away..
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Saville walk into an Irish bar.
The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."
"Maybe I'm not a vampire after all," I reflected.
Oh, I like that one, Reg. Very subtle. 
Theakston's Old Peculiar is like women's breasts.
One is not enough but three is too many.
Theakston's Old Peculiar is like women's breasts.
One is not enough but three is too many.
Ooh I don't know?
Prisons these days are like holiday camps.
Full of 1970's entertainers.
"Well," said the Vet "we need to stop him scratching it and to do that we will remove the hair from that part. So you need to apply depilatory cream to the problem area."
"Great," said the Lady "what's the cost?"
The Vet was a very understanding man and not one to chase a fast buck all the time. "Go to a chemist and ask for depilatory cream. That will be much cheaper and just the same as a specialist Vet product" he said with a friendly smile.
"Thanks." she replies.
So she goes to a chemist and asks for some depilatory cream.
"Rub this stuff in" said the chemist, "but don't wear a long sleeve blouse for a couple of weeks" he earnestly advises.
"No," said the Lady "It's not for my arms."
"Sorry," said the Vet, "So don't wear any tights for a couple of weeks."
"Oh no, it is not for my arms or my legs, it's for my Schnauzer!" she said.
"OK don't ride a bike for a fortnight"
Boom Boom
Pop Trivia for Today:-
In Spain, Chesney Hawkes is known as Juan Anonli .
Especially when it's straight from the ashtray.
Either way, I feel pretty good.
Dear Tony,
Beer and Bach work for me!
ATB from George
LOL,Tony! I don't always find myself on quite your wavelength, but you certainly do crack me up from time to time!
ATB from George
It's a flawed study Tony, the two are too highly correlated to be able to identify their independent effects 
I replied "Well put it this way. On a scale of £500,000 to £5,000,000, how much is your car worth?"
"Oh, don't be silly. My car isn't worth that much!"
"My point exactly."