Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love
making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out
on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the
street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:...
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason's on his skate board!
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper's standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'!!!
Man has both a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
I was one of the pall-bearers.
What kind of testticles are frequently hung from Christmas trees?
Boar balls!
ATB from George
George it's the way you tell'em.
( A ) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Oestrogens)
and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
( B ) To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period.
( C ) It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!!
That sounds like it might have appeared in Private Eye. They used to scour publications both old and new for articles that sound amusing, like:
"Man battered in Fish & Chip shop!"
Made me laugh out loud!
steve
The father answers: "Twenty roubles? What do you need fifty roubles for?"
Man in chemist shop - "Can I have 3 packets of condom, please."
Assistant - 'Certainly sir, would you like a bag?"
Man in shop - "No thanks, she's not that ugly"
As a teen I worked at a convenience store. After giving change to a man that had bought several packs of cigarettes I asked if he wanted a bag. "No thanks", he replied tilting his head toward his wife, "I've already got one". She promptly started smacking him with her purse. Both were laughing.
Not really a joke, but a true story. Ken's joke reminded me of it some 35-ish years later.
Brilliant! My favourite being the one for the countersunk on the wrong side.
Rock star Elton John wed this weekend.
Apparently though, no disappointed women?
My favourite. Willie Duggan, the great Irish number 8 and party animal, was driving home from the rugby club Christmas doo. Sure enough, the Garda were after him and pulled him over.
'Excuse me', said the officer ' but we have have reason to believe that you have been drinking. Is that correct?'
'Ah', says Willie, 'I cannot lie. I had about 12 pints of Guinness in the rugby club. Then we went out on the town and I had about 7 or 8 whiskeys'
The officer was amazed. 'In that case Sir, I going to have to ask you to blow into this bag;
'Why?', says Willie, 'don't you believe me!'
The flaps are already open.
ROTFLMAO almost, thanks Tony.
The flaps are already open.
I think they have been for a while.
We're an unusual trapeze act, but people seem to like us.