Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 27 March 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Paper Plane:

Tony,

 

It's difficult to fire a dead man...

 

 

steve

It's easy. Try a crematorium.

Posted on: 29 March 2015 by Tony Lockhart
My wife left me because I was suffering from depression.

Which cheered me right up.
Posted on: 29 March 2015 by Tony Lockhart
My body is well defined.

If you look under the word "flabby".
Posted on: 29 March 2015 by JamieWednesday

Took a bit of a punt yesterday but got my fingers burned. Last time I'm buying a toaster off eBay.

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Spotted at work today. Is that an instruction?

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Stephen Tate

I LOOKED at the eclipse through a colander.

Now I think I've strained my eyes.

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by George Johnson

What do you call a small itch?

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"A titch!"

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Originally Posted by George Johnson:

What do you call a small itch?

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"A titch!"

 

ATB from George

 

Hello there! How are things George?

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by George Johnson

Dear Gianluigi,

 

A good many small itches! Only kidding!!

 

Going to Norway later this year once again. Work is frantic as expected before Easter. The Carlton bike is almost on the top line so I am going to get a new chain and freewheel set for the back to really get her going nicely again. I now have a nice [equally old] Raleigh cycle to make an all weather bike to give the Carlton a rest from commuting every day. Very pleased with this little cycle. Nice classically simple machine that rides almost as well as the Carlton, though it is slower for several reasons. I am riding the British Heart Foundation "sportive" Norwich Fifty [miles] in a while with a friend. Certainly on the Carlton.

 

The replay is exactly the same as ever, because it pleases me.

 

So I am busy and having fun as well!

 

I hope life is fine with you also.

 

Best wishes from George

 

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Stephen Tate:

I LOOKED at the eclipse through a colander.

Now I think I've strained my eyes.

That is soooo funny. Keep up the good work

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Originally Posted by George Johnson:

What do you call a small itch?

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"A titch!"

 

ATB from George

 

Hello there! How are things George?

It's only a t'itch up t'north!

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Tony Lockhart
My mother made me a homosexual.
If you buy the wool, she'll make you one too.
Posted on: 31 March 2015 by bicela
Originally Posted by George Johnson:

Dear Gianluigi,

 

A good many small itches! Only kidding!!

 

Going to Norway later this year once again. Work is frantic as expected before Easter. The Carlton bike is almost on the top line so I am going to get a new chain and freewheel set for the back to really get her going nicely again. I now have a nice [equally old] Raleigh cycle to make an all weather bike to give the Carlton a rest from commuting every day. Very pleased with this little cycle. Nice classically simple machine that rides almost as well as the Carlton, though it is slower for several reasons. I am riding the British Heart Foundation "sportive" Norwich Fifty [miles] in a while with a friend. Certainly on the Carlton.

 

The replay is exactly the same as ever, because it pleases me.

 

So I am busy and having fun as well!

 

I hope life is fine with you also.

 

Best wishes from George

 

Hello George, welcome back. Maurizio

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by Clive B
Here in Britain we have a lot in common with America.

We, for example, have 60 million people with access to world-class healthcare.

And so do they.
Posted on: 31 March 2015 by JSH
The next line goes:-
 
"Yes, but she will need two balls."
 
Some of us remember these from the mens toilet at the LSE in London in 1967; yes, they're that old
 
 
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
My mother made me a homosexual.
If you buy the wool, she'll make you one too.

 

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Clay Bingham:
Originally Posted by Clive B:
Here in Britain we have a lot in common with America.

We, for example, have 60 million people with access to world-class healthcare.

And so do they.

And we have 300 million people with access to world class dentistry and so do........

 

.................oh maybe not a good example.

That obviously touched a nerve

Posted on: 31 March 2015 by dayjay
Originally Posted by Clay Bingham:
Originally Posted by Clive B:
Here in Britain we have a lot in common with America.

We, for example, have 60 million people with access to world-class healthcare.

And so do they.

And we have 300 million people with access to world class dentistry and so do........

 

.................oh maybe not a good example.

And clearly an excessive number of teeth

Posted on: 01 April 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by jjbomber:
Originally Posted by Clay Bingham:
Originally Posted by Clive B:
Here in Britain we have a lot in common with America.

We, for example, have 60 million people with access to world-class healthcare.

And so do they.

And we have 300 million people with access to world class dentistry and so do........

 

.................oh maybe not a good example.

That obviously touched a nerve

Didn't it just.  Americans are very sensitive that the so-called greatest place on Earth (their words not mine) can only provide health care (dentistry included) no better than most 3rd World countries for the bulk of their population.

Posted on: 01 April 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Computer: "Enter new password."
Me: "Beef stew"
Computer: "Sorry, not stroganoff"
Posted on: 03 April 2015 by Big Bill

Why am I seeing new jokes in my email but nothing new appears here?

Posted on: 03 April 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I said to the barista "Do you do hot chocolate?"

"I'll try." He said,

"I Believe in miracles, where you from, you sexy thing?"
Posted on: 03 April 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Big Bill:

Why am I seeing new jokes in my email but nothing new appears here?

The forum is called Best Jokes, not new jokes.

Posted on: 03 April 2015 by hungryhalibut

As it's Easter....... What do you get if you tip boiling water down a rabbit hole? A hot cross bunny.

Posted on: 03 April 2015 by MDS
Originally Posted by Hungryhalibut:

As it's Easter....... What do you get if you tip boiling water down a rabbit hole? A hot cross bunny.

 

Think that's one's safe enough and funny enough to share with my grand-daughter.

Posted on: 03 April 2015 by Southweststokie
Originally Posted by Big Bill:

Why am I seeing new jokes in my email but nothing new appears here?

If you beleive they are new then why don't you post them yourself