Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by Sounsfaber
How do you get a fat person into bed.
A piece of cake 
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by winkyincanada
Originally Posted by Conortsun:
Originally Posted by MDS:
Originally Posted by elkman70:
The Sun has printed a full page tribute to Christopher Lee but he didn't appear in The Mirror.
excellent! 
In the sun? Really? Was he wearing a crucifix and eating garlic soup too?...
Yes, the better joke would have been...
"The Telegraph published a full-page obituary for Christopher Lee, but he didn't show up in the Mirror and he wasn't in the Sun either."
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by JRHardee
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by JSH
Originally Posted by JRHardee:
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by JamieWednesday
I had to look that up.
Only thing I knew about Jenner was being a Decathlete. Blimey, the things you miss over 40 years when you don't give a sh..
Posted on: 17 June 2015 by Clay Bingham
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:
I had to look that up.
Only thing I knew about Jenner was being a Decathlete. Blimey, the things you miss over 40 years when you don't give a sh..
And a for sure indicator that you don't live in the U.S. Relentless media day after day week on week. And the Vogue cover? Try speechless!
Posted on: 18 June 2015 by JRHardee
To my generation, he became famous by doing the most manly thing in the world. To younger folks, he's a member of the Kardashian family, who are famous for being famous. Don't bother looking them up. Either way--ye gods. He seems happy though.
Posted on: 18 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Two men knock on an Essex girl's door.
"Hello love. How would you like double glazing?" they ask.
"Oh go on then. she replies, falling to her knees. "Just not in my eyes".
Posted on: 18 June 2015 by BigH47
Well done Tony well up to standard.
Posted on: 18 June 2015 by Tony2011
Not really a joke but I could not stop laughing. Sad really!
Posted on: 18 June 2015 by fatcat
I wonder how long it'll until we hear football pundits saying, "he texted that pass"
Posted on: 20 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
'Call to give schoolboys cancer jab'.
Blimey. In my day getting the belt or cane was considered severe.
Posted on: 21 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
A man never really knows just how much he farts.
Until he spends 24 hours with a girl he likes.
Posted on: 21 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
At the risk of looking like a complete dick....
I always carry two big soft hairy pink bags by my sides.
Posted on: 21 June 2015 by joerand
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
A man never really knows just how much he farts.
Until he spends 24 hours with a girl he likes.
It's so funny because it's so true Tony.
Likewise, a man never really knows how many farts a woman has stored until she falls asleep in front of him.
Posted on: 21 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
You know you're drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave, and then enter your pin number.
Posted on: 21 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
For those across the pond:
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:
I had to look that up.
Only thing I knew about Jenner was being a Decathlete. Blimey, the things you miss over 40 years when you don't give a sh..
+1
steve
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Britain's fattest man has died aged 33.
"This tragic news will affect us all deeply," said Roger Whiteside, CEO of Greggs.
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by MDS
What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life and you get let out of prison.
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by MDS
Youth goes into a bar: Give me a beer, please.
Barmaid: You're only 16. Do you want to get me into trouble?
Youth: Later, maybe, but now I just want a beer.
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by JSH
And it sounds no worse!!
Originally Posted by MDS:
What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life and you get let out of prison.
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by joerand
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
For those across the pond:
Or go birding with Dick Cheney if you want to build up your immunity to lead shot pellets. Just have a strong heart 
Posted on: 22 June 2015 by tonym
Posted on: 23 June 2015 by JSH
Sadly, probably true!
Originally Posted by tonym:
