Best Jokes (continues)

For those across the pond:

I had to appreciate Tony's humor here even as I found the subject embarrassing. For an American there is simply no adequate comeback. After the most recent shooting, in a church of all places, I asked myself how long it would be before some dim bulb recommended having guns in church. It took a day and a half.

I was recently told that I had a rare disorder called 'third party kleptomania'.

I didn't take it personally.

I'm regretting wearing this wicker jumper now.

It's really hampering me. 

The amazing thing is that somebody stole your joke and told it on the repeat of Mock The Week that I watched 2 hours ago.

Even more funny if she was 'in' on the joke but never let on

The first time? I do solemnly declare....

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

If you hadn't written that joke Richard then someone else would have had to.  It is terrible, corny, stinks and is hilarious.

I can't take the credit for writing any of these; I just pass them on.

On that note:

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A good wake-up for early hours here on the Pacific Coast.

ok I SURRENDER.

 A website for conjunctivitis - now there's a site for sore eyes