Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 28 July 2015 by jjbomber

I was at a funeral today and the wreath said 'Dad'. Shouldn't there be an 'e' in the middle?

Posted on: 28 July 2015 by ewemon

According to Tetley, the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So every morning I slap her arse and say " two sugars fatty".

Posted on: 28 July 2015 by joerand

The missus and I were curious about all the rage over tea bagging and thought we'd give it a try. I ended up with second degree burns and we both agreed the tea was god-awful.

Posted on: 29 July 2015 by BigH47

Memory loss in the afternoon is formally classified as pmnesia .

Posted on: 29 July 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I've just got up from having a lie down.

The rest is history..
Posted on: 29 July 2015 by Stevee_S
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I've just got up from having a lie down.

The rest is history..

Posted on: 29 July 2015 by Stevee_S
Originally Posted by BigH47:

Memory loss in the afternoon is formally classified as pmnesia .

Very good 

Posted on: 30 July 2015 by Tony Lockhart
So there's talk of dentist Walter Palmer going to prison.

Where someone will be telling him to open wide.
Posted on: 31 July 2015 by tonym

Chaps, when a woman is mad, just tell her she is over-reacting.

 

She'll realise you're right and she will calm right down.

 

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by james n
Originally Posted by tonym:

Chaps, when a woman is mad, just tell her she is over-reacting.

 

She'll realise you're right and she will calm right down.

 

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by tonym:

Chaps, when a woman is mad, just tell her she is over-reacting.

 

She'll realise you're right and she will calm right down.

 

Blimey Tony is that right?  Ya know it may sound silly but I have never tried that.  Next time I come home after a night in the pub with my friends and I am four sheets to the wind I will try that.

 

Thanks mate for an important public service message.

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by tonym

No problem Bill, I'm here to help & advise.

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by JSH
LOL
 
Originally Posted by jjbomber:

I was at a funeral today and the wreath said 'Dad'. Shouldn't there be an 'e' in the middle?

 

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by hungryhalibut

Having attended my dad's funeral last week, I'm not entirely convinced by this joke. In fact, I think it's crap. 

Posted on: 31 July 2015 by Tony Lockhart
"Update the force, Luke"

Adobe Wan Kenobi.
Posted on: 01 August 2015 by rjstaines
Originally Posted by Hungryhalibut:

Having attended my dad's funeral last week,

Sorry to hear about that HH.

Roger

 

Posted on: 03 August 2015 by ewemon

2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted Curry powder instead of Cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital............ one's in a Korma and the other one has a dodgy Tikka,

Posted on: 06 August 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 06 August 2015 by elkman70

 Brilliant

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by Conortsun

I see you can buy a DVD of Australia's first innings from Trent Bridge...

 

Not interested! For £9.99 I want something which plays for more than five minutes.

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Conortsun:

I see you can buy a DVD of Australia's first innings from Trent Bridge...

 

Not interested! For £9.99 I want something which plays for more than five minutes.

It was only slightly more remarkable than the last session of the day and in that session England scored 175 run for the loss of one wicket.  Root & Bairstow were magnificent.  Root especially is genuine class, if you are a cricket fan then watching Root play is about the finest poetry you can get in the great game.

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by elkman70:

After the discovery of Matter and Dark Matter, we have now discovered doesn't matter which appears to have no effect on the universe at all.

...and nobody cares about.

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Conortsun:

I see you can buy a DVD of Australia's first innings from Trent Bridge...

Apparently the innings is being shown again ...... on Cartoon Network!

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by BigH47

Pheasant farmers need to raise their game.

Posted on: 07 August 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Our dog trainer said a finger in the anus calms him down when he's angry.

Or I could just pay the £50 I owed him.