Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
I just can't deal with the way they put on their make-up or do their hair.
"Oh, dear." said the cashier, rolling her eyes. "What have you done?"
"Killed a cyclist." I replied.
15% of Brits would have sex with robot:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/ho...ex-with-a-robot.html
This number is probably quite low...I suspect it to be more like 85%, judging from this UK based forum.
15% of Brits would have sex with robot
And 100% of those respondents anticipate it being a massive upgrade over their current blow-up dolls. Scots were divided on the issue. Not certain the robot would be an upgrade over sheep.
Do Scotsmen dream of electric "sheep?"
Er, this is the Best Jokes forum. Any chance of your posting some?
PS I am not Scots
An Italian and a Frenchman were sitting in an airport pub arguing over who was the best lover. After arguing for some time the janitor (a Scot), overhead them while bent over cleaning dried puke from underneath a barstool.
"Italian men are the world's best lovers! If I want to make a woman scream, I put spaghetti on her breasts and slowly eat it off, and then I lick off the marinara sauce!"
"Child's play," chortled the Frenchman effeminately: "When I want to really want to make my lover scream, I pour Dom Perignon all over her breasts and suck it off with the care of a lamprey...then I dribble it on her navel and lick it clean. Afterwards I work my way to the lower regions. And when I get down there, by Napoleon my lover is screaming!"
The Scotchman slowly gets up from the floor, and pulls a rag out of his pocket...slowly starting to wipe his hands off.
"Wee jimmies ah think a've git ye beat. Whin a'm waantin' tae mak' mah guidwife scream ah ravage her fae behind 'n' whin a'm thro' ah dicht masell aff oan th' drapes."
Please translate for a Scotsman. Not Scotchman.
Please translate for a Scotsman. Not Scotchman.
Whatever, they make a lot of Scotch there and presume they drink it too.
It doesn't offer reverse-translation so I guess this is, in effect a weak 1-way hash algorithm.
Voice mail.
Please translate for a Scotsman. Not Scotchman.
…. and I would would be surprised to hear a Scot refer to drapes
I got my mojo working.
Okay that was good.
I’m amazed at how many people don't even need Gluten to be intolerant .
Or, as it's more commonly known, Ipswich.
Here's a joke- Ru$$ Andrew$ has a new product for sale, a 'dynamic disc enhancer' which appears to clean CDs and has advanced transformer technology.
its £3,130 to you sir
Still got kicked out of Weight Watchers though.
There's also a single, disposable disc wipe for sale for £99,999.00.
A little known fact is that comedy legend Frank Carson died of exhaustion, following a visit to a Jacob's factory........
There's also a single, disposable disc wipe for sale for £99,999.00.
Even funnier, someone will probably buy it..