Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 25 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 25 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 25 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I took my son's toy racing car to the best suspension guy in Casablanca.

It's now a bump free go-kart.
Posted on: 26 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
"Bacon causes cancer."

Must be all those phones he's selling.
Posted on: 26 October 2015 by George F
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:

The photo of the Massey [Ferguson tractor] is left to right wrong! We had several Masseys. the MF 35 [two of the earlier four cylinder version], 65, 148, 165, and 188. My Uncle Den also had a 175 and 178 ...

 

Sorry to be a farming nerd!

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 27 October 2015 by tonym

Whoever Photoshopped that photo flipped it round so Mr Craig was leaning on the right bit of the tractor.

Posted on: 27 October 2015 by tonym

Amazingly, Daniel came round yesterday to hear my system.

 

 

When I told him not to lean against the LP12 he shot me in the kneecaps, strangled the wife, and made off in my Reliant Robin.

Posted on: 27 October 2015 by JamieWednesday
Perhaps would have been better to strangle the Robin and make off with your wife?
Posted on: 27 October 2015 by tonym

Thinking about it, maybe he made off with my kneecaps...

Posted on: 28 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 30 October 2015 by BigH47

Man1: How is that Internet Thai bride working out?

 

Man2: Fine, my only complaint is that she leaves the toilet seat up!

Posted on: 30 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I tried my first Irish cream after church today.

Or at least, that's what Father O' Brien calls it.
Posted on: 31 October 2015 by Boilerman

Whats the difference between a duck?

 

 

One legs both the same and when it walks its head bangs together

Posted on: 31 October 2015 by Tony Lockhart
If you want to change the world, do it while you're a bachelor, because once you're married you can't even change the tv channel.
Posted on: 01 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Just been watching the news and apparently police are holding three men over a fire in West London...

Bit harsh, I wonder what they've done.
Posted on: 01 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
http://youtu.be/vUSoPerLVRQ
Posted on: 02 November 2015 by Paper Plane
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
http://youtu.be/vUSoPerLVRQ

That looks fake to me.

 

steve

Posted on: 02 November 2015 by Sneaky SNAIC
Originally Posted by Paper Plane:
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
http://youtu.be/vUSoPerLVRQ

That looks fake to me.

Posted on: 03 November 2015 by George F

What cones between “a” monster and “sea” monster?

 

“Bee” monster! That would be “dee” monster!

 

ATB from George

 

Okay! What happened two days before “D-day?"

 

Bidet! Sorry, I am that frame of mind!

 

Posted on: 03 November 2015 by Sneaky SNAIC

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?” “No,” said her husband.

 

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled 20 Dollar bill.  He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

 

She then asked him, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”  “Uh… no, I haven't,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.  She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties… and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.  He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

 

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

He said “No!” trying to hide his arousal.

She said ….. “Check the garage.”

Posted on: 04 November 2015 by Kevin-W

Don't try to push the envelope - it's supposed to be stationery.

Posted on: 04 November 2015 by Steve GTX

Posted on: 05 November 2015 by Sneaky SNAIC

Vegan Guinness

Posted on: 05 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
"Beware Of Dandelions? That's a stupid sign," I said, climbing over the fence.

Soon after I was mauled by four big cats wearing top hats and monocles.
Posted on: 05 November 2015 by Steve J

That's so stupid it's good Tony.